Ice, Lightning, Fire and Love
by Plainswalker
Summary: Zell feels ignored, and accidently strikes up a friendship with Seifer of all people. ZellXSeifer. Yaoi. Slash. Shounenai. Chapter 21 now done.
1. Accidents

**

* * *

Disclaimer**: Not my toys, but Squaresofts. I'll put them away when I'm done.

* * *

"Not now Zell." The door sped quickly on its way shut, stopping a few inches from the frame. Squall looked down. "Move your foot Zell." 

"Awww, C'mon man, theres nothing to do." The blonde jumped up and down in place, until his foot slipped free and Squall brought it next to the frame before speaking more.

"Sorry Zell. Quistis and I have to go over the SeeD reports for Cid. Go bug Selphie and Irvine. With that, the door slammed shut, and a click denoted the lock turning.

Zell moped as he slumped out of the hall and nearly slammed right into Cid, who was coming around the corner. Plastering a broad grin on his face, Zell quickly apologized to his superior and slipped past, tightening his gloves as he wondered if the smile had looked as fake as it felt. Normally he would have taken Squall's advice and gone to hang with Irvine and Selphie, but he had actually stopped there first before Squall and Quistis, and had slipped off right before he knocked as he heard masculine groans, and Selphies voice singing a song about saving the horses, by riding the cowboys. It wasn't with any suprise that he found himself absently smashing monsters in the Training Center, as his thoughts flew a million miles away. At least, until a voice behind him brought him hurtling back to the Garden.

"Aww, is poor Chicken-Wuss just here playing with himself? How sad..." Seifer. Not in any mood to wonder why Seifer was back in the Garden, in the Training Center, taunting him, Zell just spun about and flung the first spell to come to hand. The razor sharp, foot long icicle shattered into a cloud of little shards as the targets gunblade came into position at the last moment. Zell could see the suprise on Seifer's face.

"Chicken-Wuss, actually standing up for himself? Whatever is this world coming to." The sarcastic, insult dripping words were enough for Zell to use what leverage he had and launch himself at the other blonde, who defended himself automatically, the flat of his blade slapping down gloved hands, as Zell watched his foe's face process that Zell had gone farther than he ever had before in his previous altercations with the fiery tempered, ex-Sorceress's Knight, and actually tried to hit him.

"Don't know whats got you all worked up, but who cares, I'm just itching for a good fight, and this might be a _passable_ warm-up for a Grat attack." With a grin on its wielder's face, the gunblade began to take the offensive, lacking the speed of the martial artist, but having more power to every blow. "So. block Wheres. slash The rest. riposte of Squall's block, block, slash lackeys."

Keeping a steady breathing despite the flurry of gloved fists mere inches from face, Zell's reply came steady. "The others are too busy. So I'm training. Got a problem Seifer?" Seifer muttered something suspiciously like _'chicken wuss'_ just before one of Zell's hands slipped through his guard and hit Seifer open-palmed on the chest, and the taller blond went stumbling backwards.

"So, you can at least manage to hold a bit of a warm-up fight then Chicken-Wuss. Warm-ups over then!" Bringing the heavy gunblade into an arcing upward slash, opening a several inch gash in Zell's shirt. "So they are all too busy for you, huh?"

Keeping up the steady bouncing around on the balls of his feet, the martial artist's gloves traded blows with gunblade in time with the chatter between the two

"Not thats its any of your business, but yes, they are busy. And just what is the likes of you doing in Balamb anyway?"

"Cid wants me back. I passed his SeeD test last week. Let me guess, Cowboy and Cheerleader are _'playing'_, Puberty-boy and Spoiled Princess are angsting, and the Instructor is practicing her whip work on her groupies. Am I close?"

"Yes. No, No. Rinoa's gone, been gone for weeks. Squall and Quistis are evalutating reports. Wheres the rest of the D Committee?"

"On Assignment. Breather?"

"Yeah."

Both combatants turned around simultaneously, and sat down and leaned back, back to back, catching breath.

"So Princess ran off, huh. Who with?"

"Zone. Full pardon and probationary SeeD rank?"

"Full Rank and pardon"

"Nice. Done?"

"Oh yeah"

The two climbed back up, using each other as support, and took a step back and raised guards. Zell broke first and brought a fury of blows against Seifer, who, to his credit, managed to deflect a handful, taking several large bruising hits from the studded gauntlets. Probably a few broken ribs. Turning the tables, Seifer took the offensive with a large arcing horizontal to force Zell to step back, and a lunge forward, blade turning to block Zell's blow from the side when he dodged... It took Seifer a few seconds to realize that the younger man **hadn't** dodged, and was impaled, ever so slightly on the gunblade.

"Oh. Shit" Seifer pulled the blade back and sheathed in one motion and stepped forward to catch Zell as he stumbled forward, a dumbfounded look on his face, glazed eyes, and a chest wound bleeding more than a little. "Oh shit."

* * *

Yes, yes. Cliff hanger type right off the bat. Don't blame me, blame society. 


	2. Impressions

**Disclaimer: **Squaresoft's Characters. My plot.

* * *

_'Woah. The colours are all swirling...and I don't think I've ever seen **that** colour ever before...cool. I wanna chase them...I wanna catch them...why can't I move? Eyes open.. Hrmm...eyes open...now?' _Zell winced at the sudden bright light and managed to mumble something nearly incoherent about turning them off. Thankfully, someone got the idea and the bright white light designed to cause pain in Zell's brain winked out, leaving a soft yellow glow from other lights. "S'better." '_Why am I slurring my words? I didn't drink anything tonight...'_ "S'where?" Zell closed his eyes and waited for the world to explain itself and apologize for the inconvenience 

"He seems all right now Doctor, can we take him out yet?" Hmm. Feminine voice, young, somewhat innocent...Selphie!

"Calm down and relax before I tranq you myself. Just need to give him time to adjust" Comforting voice, thats easy, its the Doctor.

"C'mon and sit down with me. Told ya we shoulda just waited for the Doctor to call us when he's awake" Slight drawl, bit of discomfort...a cranky and tired Irvine. _'Well done brain. You've not let me down yet...except for why we're HERE!' _

As Zell plumbed the depths of his mind for the answer to his reason for being in the current location, Selphie began to pace and mutter angrily. Risking another burst of Evil Light, Zell blinked open his eyelids and tried to speak clearly. "Where? Why?" Zell closed his eyes, and was suprised at himself. Tired out after a few words...its just wrong. Evil. Nasty. Dark. Delicio- nope. Not that one. Hungry though. Want food...after answer.

As Zell mentally ran through things Irvine drawled from his corner. "Doctor came on shift, and there you were, bleeding all over the table. We were called to come assist." Irvine's voice held only the slightest hint of regret of what was interupted before continuing, "Doctor found gunpowder on the sword wounds, so either you were playing with ammo and knives, or dueling with Squall..."

"Se-Seifer." Weak voice. Weak voice bad. Want water. "Wat-er" Talk about service, Zell thought as a cool glass was pressed into his upheld hand. A few careful sips later, Zell put the glass down and opened his eyes fully for the first time and blinked everything into clarity.

Selphie was glaring. That was bad. Selphie almost **never** glares. Glaring is bad. "I'm going to find that little rat and squeeze his neck till his head pops off!" Selphie stormed out, followed quickly by Irvine. As the two left, Squall entered, and Zell realized he had been waiting outside the whole time.

"Don't worry Zell. We'll find how Seifer snuck aboard and why he assaulted you" Squall's tone was even, if a bit upset sounding to Zell

"I believe you should take my patient for lunch in the Cafeteria first. I think it is hotdog day." The doctor smiled as Zell bounced from the bed, pulled his slashed shirt on and was attempting to drag the leather-bound SeeD commander out the door.

* * *

Quistis and Selphie waved to get Zell and Squall's attention, while Irvine, taking advantage of the distraction, stole one of Quistis's cupcakes. Grabbing a pair of trays Squall told Zell to go sit and he'd bring lunch. Shrugging, pleased at the attention, Zell obeyed. At least, up until he saw Seifer sitting at another table with Raijin, Fujin and an empty chair. Moving as carefully and quietly as he could, Zell swung into the chair before any of the Disciplinary Committee could say anything to stop him. "So Chicken-Wuss, back among the living I see." Seifer's tone was calm, cool, and different from normal. It took Zell a moment to recognize what was different. There was no scorn, and the slightest bit of respect in his tone now. Zell didn't know whether to be estatic, scared, or indifferent. And then, he stammered out an affirmative as he realized he had just been staring at the table while thinking.

"Up for another training session sometime, Seifer?" Zell asked quietly, trying his best to sound indifferent (and failing completely) to what the answer would be.

"Sure, Chicken-Wuss. Soon as your all healed up again." Zell was relieved. He had half expected to be laughed away from the table. Then of course, he noticed some of the wrappings around Seifer's chest.

"Ah, did you break anything while we were...?"

"Two ribs on the right, one on the left. You hit hard for a Chicken you know." Zell couldn't help but note that when Seifer called him a name now, it was...friendly. Freaky, he thought.

"I best be going before the others see me here, they think you attac-" Zell was cut off by lightning bolt hitting the table, directly infront of Seifer.

"Leave him alone Seifer. I don't know what you think your doing back here after what you did, but..."

"Squall, he's a SeeD too. And he didn't attack me." Now **that** set Squall rocking back on his heels slightly, which Seifer quickly took advantage of.

"Captain Seifer, as of this morning actually. Only a few more promotions before your taking **my** orders." How did someone actually manage to make a sentence sound like a smirk? He'd have to ask Seifer sometime, Zell noted as he got up.

"Lets go to our table Squall, I don't want to have trouble caused over me..." His tone was quiet, subdued, none of the usual over-abundant energy overflowing into his speech. That alone was enought to get Squall to cast one more glare at the three still seated before turning and striding back to the usual table, where Zell was immedietly interrogated by his friends.

"What the hell?" Irvine hissed.

"Since when are you Seifer are **talking** terms with each others?" Selphie ventured...

"Since last night, when we ran into each other training."

"And you usually wake up in the infirmiry when you train?

"No, but it was an accident!" The enthusiasm was back in Zell's tone, though before last night, he never would have considered arguing **for** Seifer so passionately. Funny how an hour or two can change so much, he mused to himself as he absently answered the rest of the trio's questions about last night.


	3. Talking To Oneself in the Corner

**Disclaimer: **The Characters are still Squaresoft's.

* * *

_SeeD Inauguration, Balamb Garden, following the Dollet/Galbadia conflict's resolution.

* * *

_

"Oh...hey, Zell. Wanna join the Garden Festival committee and..."

"Sorry, I...ahh... Just remembered something! G-Gotta go. See ya!" Zell ducked behind the first column he found, and snagged a champagne from a passing tray and took a gulp, choked, and decided to slow down. Sipping the remaining half of his drink, the blonde slowly surveyed the crowd, absently people watching. Wow. Squall was dancing...and not all that badly once he got into it. ... And there she goes, running after someone not quite in sight. Zell watched Squall head off to a balcony, followed by Quistis shortly after.

Zell never saw Squall come up behind, and jumped (moreso than normal) when Squall laid a hand on his shoulder. "Geez Squall! Don't scare me like that!"

"...Whatever." Typical Squall-ism. Zell blinked, confused, as the taller SeeD pressed a glass ball into his hand. "...Congratulations" With that said, Squall turned off and headed out, to get ready for his appointment with the Instructor. Zell stood staring at his hand and the baseball sized glass orb it held. After nearly two minutes of staring and staying (nearly) still, it dawned on Zell what the orb was. Tracing one finger over the cool surface of the glass, Zell shivered at the tingle that spread out from it as the Guardian Force inside made the itchy journey up his arm, and nestling into his mind. He'd never get used to that feeling.

* * *

Shiva stood, proud and regal, and surveyed her new domain. A black sky set above a tiled floor that stretched as far as she could see. Each hexagonal tile she knew, was a memory, and in building her new home in this man, she would be forced to destroy more than a handful. She frowned. There were still fires sputtering and large greasy scorch mark marred the floor. Her floor. Ifrits mark, she knew. This one had played host to the fire elemental guardian, and Ifrit reveled in making messes and leaving his sign as a way to brag that he had been there.

This was her domain now though. And in her domain, Shiva was more than just an Ice Goddess. She _was_. Statuesque, she stood there as ice spiraled around her feet and lanced out, covering memory-tiles, slowly absorbing them as fuel for herself, and extinguishing the flames. Slowly, one hand began to rise from her side. As her hand rose, spires lanced out of the floor and stretched distant into the mental skyline. The ice was pure, perfectly clear, and the great spires began to hollow themselves out with a rush of water, that all drained into what quickly became a moat. In mere moments of her entering the mind, her mental fortress had been created. Ascending on a pillar of ice, Shiva reached into her new hosts mind and began to draw the spells he had stored. Each spire, she knew, corresponded to an attribute of her host, and by placing the magic in their place, she could junction the spells, fusing magic and flesh into a whole greater than the sum of its parts.

Shiva was coaxing the weak and spiteful fire spell, so out of place in her domain of ice, into its spire, where it would appear as a signal tower, the flame sitting atop a monumental candle of ice, where it would be junctioned to her hosts Elemental Defence, and was understandably startled when she heard the voice.

"Hello!" Carefree, innocent, and irrepresably energetic tones washed over the Ice Goddess as she comprehended what was going on. Her host was talking to her, greeting her. They had never done that before. Perhaps, she thought, this may be more interesting that anticipated.

"I am Shiva, Queen Goddess of the Ice, Elemental Guardian Spirit, and I bid you greeting." There. Befittingly regal enough for someone of her stature to speak to the one being higher than she was, her master.

"Hi. I'm Zell. So, your like, in my mind? If so, can you tell me where I left my spare gloves?" Shiva smirked, so...naive.

"It does not work like that." Shiva sat her in her throne, her icy form melding with the seat, as she sent her mind into Zell's, and looked out through his eyes. A party. How droll.

"So...care to dance?" Without awaiting her reply, as she watched, Zell placed his near-empty drink on a passing tray and stepped onto the dance floor. And, without the benefit of a physical partner, began to pantomine a dance, managing to keep time with the other dancers. Shiva sighed. He was making a fool of himself, she could hear, through his ears, the laughs of the crowd, and realized, as she processed Zell's thoughts, that she didn't mind, because _he_ didn't mind. Integrating herself further into her new hosts mind, the goddess made an image of herself and placed it before Zell's eyes, making it seem, to him at least, as if she was infact, dancing with him.

With a grin he whispered, (and Shiva realized he had spoken outloud to her all along, rather than just sending mental messages) "So, dancing with my own little Ice Goddess. How cute"

"Little?" Shiva's tone had a measured amount of questioning and a touch of anger.

"Well, you do fit inside my mind, so you can't **really** be all that big"

"Your right" Shiva smirked "It _is_ a rather small space in here". She was rewarded with a genuine laugh, which she answered with a chuckle of her own. Perhaps this would be **very** interesting...

* * *

Shiva and Zell after that night were inseperable, except when they had to be. Zell would always come to the Icy GF before nearly anyone else with his questions, and Shiva would often help him relax with a joke, or well placed question. She wondered once, why she, an incarnation of ice, was soul-mate to a being seemingly made of animated lightning, but she would quickly dismiss the thoughts as inconsiquental. After all, she had Zell, Zell had her, and they shared a bond different from love between humans, a melding of their spirits, and Shiva was happy.

* * *

Authors Notes:

Lisha: Thank you for the praise. But, you asked me to "drop me a line whenever you do update?" There is a way to have this automatically done, I am not sure if you are aware or not, so I will go over the steps for it.

Go to your profile, and on the left menu bar, find 'Email Alerts", select it, and then choose the 'Author Alerts" tab on the new page. Type "Plainswalker" into the name entry, and press add, and presto. You get an e-mail every update (or new story) I make.


	4. Cold Straits

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Squaresoft's.

* * *

The days following the training accident were busy ones for Zell. Three times a day, in the cafeteria, he would slowly try to include Raijin, Fujin, and Seifer. Especially Seifer. He would eat at one of the two tables, and would try to drag at least one person from the other table with him. This led to a few very awkward moments with Squall and Seifer at Seifer's table, and after over a week of trying to meld the two groups, Zell was nearing despair.

* * *

Squall hadn't brought a lunch. He hadn't bought one either. He hadn't realized what was being offered, and, having been violently ill last time he had eaten the 'meatloaf' the Caf. offered, sat down bereft of a meal. He was surprised, as was everyone else, when Fujin, accompanying Zell to the table that day, held up half of her sandwich and spoke. "SHARE." Squall declined, but Zell was ecstatic that he'd made that much progress, and the grin on his face showed that fact.

After everyone else had finished eating lunch, Squall dropped a number of envelopes on the table. "Mission orders." He tossed an envelope to Quistis and Irvine, keeping one for himself and pushed another three over to Zell. Zell picked them up and flipped through them, looking at the names on them. Himself, Seifer, and a newly promoted SeeD, Ritlyn. Bouncing up from his seat, Zell left Seifer's letter with him, and went off in search of the other SeeD.

* * *

"Listen up. There are reports of something matching a Ruby Dragon's standard attack pattern in this area, its terrorizing the villages around here. We'll be in two groups of three. Group A will be myself, Irvine, and Quistis. Group B is Zell, Ritlyn, and Seifer. Zell is in charge of group B. If you can engage and take this thing out, do so, but report back once every two hours. That is all, if you don't find it within the next six hours, return here and we will try again tomorrow. Move out." Squall may hate speeches, but he isn't all that bad at them, Zell thought as he ushered his two teammates out into the blinding snow, and pulled his jacket closer around him. Hyne, it was cold.

* * *

Four hours of fruitless searching later, Zell radioed into the makeshift 'base camp', and tossed the radio back to Ritlyn. He could barely see a foot in front of his face in this snow, and they expected him to find a single creature? It was laughable, and he would have laughed, if it wasn't so cold, and he wasn't shivering under all his layers. If it came to a fight he knew, he'd be heavily handicapped by his lack of mobility.

Zell turned to order Seifer and Ritlyn into the next area, and was in time to see Ritlyn's legs tumble to the ground, and look at the broad draconic face of the dragon that ate him. It wasn't a Ruby Dragon after all he realized. It was a Diamond Dragon, its broad grin macabre with its blood red 'lipstick'. Zell was frozen to his spot, and some sluggish part of his mind wondered if it was fear or cold that kept him from moving.

The dragon lunged forward for him, and Zell knew he was about to die. Then a heavy weight slammed into his side, and he went flying, and landed, Seifer atop him, just out of reach of the dragon. Both SeeDs heard the first crack and knew instantly what it was, and scrambled to their feet. Too late. With a roar, the ground beneath them gave way, and they fell.

The dragon glared down at them, and they fearfully looked up at it. The hole however, was too small for it, and rather than expend energy, it turned and stalked away, content with the meal it already had.

The snow hadn't stopped. It had only gotten worse, and the two fallen SeeDs could see the hole they fell through slowly being covered, too far above them to make any chance of escape by that route feasible. With a click, Seifer turned on a flashlight, and examined the small cave. At least a dozen feet of solid ice blocked the cave exit, and he hadn't prepared for that much ice. He wished he had, because it was cold, the sun was setting soon, and it was only going to get colder.

* * *

You know, I don't intend to leave things at a cliffhanger, but thats where they keep going.  



	5. Cold Comforts

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Squaresoft's.

* * *

Zell detested the cold. Which was ironic, considering he had an Ice Goddess setting up shop inside him, but she never made him feel numb. This cold did. And it was beginning to make him even more sluggish, and he was wishing he grabbed the thicker jacket, rather than this thinner one, that allowed him more movement incase of a fight. Seifer was in better shape, but only marginally.

Dropping his pack, Zell began rooting around in it, and pulled out the reflective looking blanket, and indicated that Seifer do the same. After looking, and finding a small nook-ish corner of the cave that would fit both of them, he took the thermal blanket from Seifer. "We need to conserve heat. Sit down, back against the stone, legs stretched out." Seifer gave him a wondering glance, but complied, putting survival above curiosity.

Getting comfortable, Seifer melded the snow up against him, for insulation, and nearly jumped when Zell suddenly laid down on him, legs on his legs, back against his chest, and Zell's head just to the side of Seifer's. As Zell pulled the blankets up, Seifer was glad they had at least brought woolen toques, as he already felt a fair bit warmer from the combined body heat of the two. Perhaps, he mused, they might just survive the night.

* * *

The fact that Zell didn't say anything else that night registered on Seifer's mind, and he wondered, if perhaps, the younger blonde had something aside from immanent death on his mind. Just as he was about to try and get a short nap, Zell spoke up, startling Seifer. He had assumed Zell was asleep, how long had he been awake?

"Seifer…" So…quiet. Vulnerable. Un-Zellish.

"Yeah?"

"Why doesn't anyone at the Garden like me?" That was hardly the question he was expecting, especially from this person. Squall maybe, Quistis after having a few to many drinks, perhaps, but Zell? It was so wrong it was eerie.

"What the hell are you talking about Zell? You practically have fans around every corner, I on the other hand, have to put up with my lesser complaining about my admittance back into the Garden."

Quiet. Is that a good sign, or a bad sign? Best to be sure. "Seriously Zell, why would you even think that?"

"…If they liked me, why don't like being around me?" And there it was. He felt ignored, that was it.

"Who doesn't?"

"Anyone. Squall never has wanted to just hang out, Selphie and Irvine only want to spend time on each other, nobody else at the Garden wants to be around me, because I'm me. They always to hang around with the hero who helped save the world, or the famous martial artist. They never want to hang around with me, and I'm not even sure that what they do want exists."

_Okaaay…probably not the best time for this discussion, but, better to have it then not, I guess. _Seifer heaved a sigh. "What about me?"

"You?"

"I hang around with you, now don't I?"

"Well…yeah, but…"

"But? But what?"

"I dunno. I just, you know, never thought **we** would be friends, after, I mean, you didn't seem to like me for the first 17 years of my life…"

"Well, aren't I now? The past is the past, the future is what we make it. Now, we best try and rest before dawn, because knowing puberty-boy, there will be search parties at first light."

"…Right" Zell was silent after that, but Seifer noticed, as he pushed back into the warmth of Seifer and curled up, that Zell was snoring, just slightly, within moments. Closing his eyes, Seifer drifted into the oblivion that was sleep.

* * *

The search party had just passed the blank stretch of land, when the first ball of fire ripped through the ground, scattering snow and slush everywhere. Within moments, rope was lowered, and the two cold SeeDs were hauled up, and taken back to camp. 


	6. Happy Birthday To Me

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Squaresoft's.

* * *

Zell woke up. Today was **the** day. He was 18. Humming happily to himself, Zell bounded into the shower, he considered 'waking' Shiva up, but decided against it. She had been extremely worn down after their last mission, taking blows for him, letting him attack the soldiers without fear, until she had passed out, or at least, the GF equivalent. He hadn't realized the toll it was taking on her, and was ashamed that he had let it happen.

Breakfast. Toast and eggs, quick and easy to make. Next. Presents. Zell grinned. His mother had given him his a few weeks ago before Balamb Garden left Balamb. Taking it out from under his bed, he ripped it apart, sending shredded paper flying into the air. He'd clean it up tomorrow. Opening the box, Zell took out a bottle and grinned. Balamb Leather Oil. Expensive stuff, he knew, and he loved the feel of his gloves after he used this stuff, but refrained from buying it, since it had become a tradition for his ma to send him a bottle for his birthday.

It was just after noon when he finished properly taking care of his favorite battle gloves, and his SeeD uniform's gloves. Fairly bouncing with anticipation, he went straight over to Irvine's room that he shared with Selphie most of the time, though not officially. Just as he was abut to knock, the door slid open, and Irvine stalked out, pulling just short from hitting Zell.

"Err, hi Zell. Whatcha doing here?"

"Just came to see what you guys were up to tonight.." Selphie hadn't mentioned a birthday party. Therefore it was a surprise party. Selphie **loved** parties and planning them. Zell couldn't wait.

"Don't tell Selphie, she'll kill me is she finds out I told anyone…we have reservations in Balamb Cabaret" Zell was floored. Reservations there were near impossible to get, to think they did it for him.."

"What time?"

"Well, I'll be getting Selphie blindfolded and into the car at six, and, well, don't expect us back tonight." Zell was stunned, but plastered a grin onto his face that was so fake it hurt.

"Ah, special special evening for two planned, eh?"

"Yep" Irvine was quite proud of himself, Zell couldn't bring himself to blame him for forgetting his birthday. The fact that Selphie forgot was harder, but still…they were his friends, so he would accept it.

"Well, have fun" Having to get out of there, Zell practically fled from his friend and into the lobby, just as the floating garden hit a bit of mid-ocean turbulence. Turning, he went to the cafeteria, planning on grabbing lunch and figuring out what to do.

Sitting down with a plate of hotdogs, Zell began to think. Irvine and Selphie had their night out. Seifer and Quistis were off the Garden on a mission. Squall…Squall would be in his office all night, working on the test results from the tests he had administered today. Zell wondered why he had scheduled the tests for his birthday, perhaps they all had forgotten? With that sobering thought, Zell made up his mind on his plans. Getting up, he turned directly for the training center.

* * *

Leaving the training area just at five, before it was flooded with cadets, Zell went straight back to his room, and got in the shower. After getting dried, and dressed in fresh clothes, Zell began to pile things into a backpack. After a quick stop by the cafeteria, Zell headed upstairs, and out onto a balcony.

Setting his pack on the ground, Zell opened it and spread out a blanket and weighted it down with a few small books. Sitting cross-legged, Zell pulled out a plate of hotdogs at the top, followed by a bottle of wine he had stolen from Irvine's stash, and a glass, and a cupcake, with frosting, sprinkles, and a candle.

Devouring a quick meal of hotdogs, Zell lit the candle with a quick spell, and stuck it in the cupcake and began to sing. "Happy birthday, to me. Happy birthday, to me. Happy birthday, to Zell, Happy birthday to me." Zell did a remarkable job of managing not to let the fact that he was alone on his birthday show on his face, barely tearing up. Pulling himself together, he poured himself a glass of wine, and took a long drink of the alcohol. He hadn't drunk before, and he quickly decided that while it may not have been the best tasting drink he'd ever had, it wasn't bad. So he had another glass. And another. And another, and so on, until the bottle was done. His head hurt, but in a good way. It didn't hurt that he was ignored anymore, and that's all that mattered to him at the moment.

Moving next to the rail, he looked out at the ocean as the Garden flew on. So huge, vast, and empty looking. The pain came back without warning as he looked over the edge, and he couldn't help it as he began to cry softly. He had been ignored before, but…never his birthday. It was supposed to be **his** day, but nobody had time for him. Not today, not the day before. And not the day after either he knew.

The Ragnarok flew by, on its way to dock with the Garden. Zell idly wondered who was on it, then gave a pitiful shrug. It didn't matter, they wouldn't be interested in him anyway. Turning back towards his pack, he took out a pad of paper and a pen. He had planned to write a thank you letter to his Ma, and he would write letters…

Seven letters, he thought, as he sealed the envelope on the last on. Squall, Selphie, Seifer, Quistis, Irvine, Cid…and Ma. He wondered briefly which ones would hate him for the letters, or be glad he had written them. Turning back to the railing, he carefully stood on the side guard. He looked around. It was so…free, to not have to worry about one thing or another, not a care in the world, everything was taken care of.

Zell closed his eyes and just felt the wind enwrap him. Peaceful.

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" A regal, maternal voice.

Zell spun around. "Matron?" A tremor was in his voice, and he saw the door opening. And then he realized that when he turned around, he had overbalanced himself. As Seifer came through the door, gunblade resting against his shoulder, a box in his other hand, he was witness to the sight of a wide-eyed Zell falling backwards. The box in his hand dropped as his gunblade did, and he raced to the railing, extending one hand. Too late. Zell was out of reach.

Zell wasn't sure if he had screamed, or if Seifer had. It didn't matter he realized, he was going to die, and he had just realized he didn't want to, he wanted to live. As he fell past another balcony, time seemed to slow, and he had an eternity to take in what he saw. Selphie, and Irvine, dressed up for their evening out. Selphies face was twisted in horror, and Irvine's in shock. Then Selphie began to scream and time resumed its normal speed, and he saw the water coming up fast. Then he hit, and everything went black.

* * *


	7. Discussion of Gunblades

Blah, same Disclaimer as usual. Not mine.

* * *

Seifer was in shock. Zell was already below the water, barely a splash to indicate where had hit. Others were already searching with floodlights and spells, leaving Seifer to think.

Was it his fault? He had startled Zell when he came out onto the balcony, he knew. He had seen Zell sitting there alone when he went by in the Ragnarok. He had surprised Zell, and Zell had fallen. But why the **hell** had Zell been up there?

Seifer turned to leave the balcony. To join the search going on below, when he saw the envelopes. A pile of them, weighted down with an empty wine bottle. He picked one up. It simply said "Ma" on it. He looked at the next. Cid. Irvine. Quistis. …Seifer. He ripped open that one, and unfolded the paper.

By the time he was done, he didn't know whether or not to be pissed at Zell, or pissed at everyone else, he just knew he was angry with **someone. **Zell had committed suicide, and it was his, and everyone else's fault. When the door began to open, Seifer grabbed all the envelopes, and shoved them into his trench coat pocket. He didn't know if he'd tell the others about them.

"You. What the **HELL** did you **do** to him!" Squall. Of course it would be Squall. When Seifer didn't give a reply right away, he quickly found a blade pointing at him. "What? Did you think it would be **funny** to push him over? Or did you shove him and he just 'accidentally' went over." It took a moment, but Seifer realized Squall was blaming him for causing Zell to fall. Of course he was, Seifer thought. So he quietly reached down, and picked up his gunblade. He parried the first strike just in time.

It was like a dark mirror Seifer thought as he sought to disable Squall without harming him. Squall was fighting with extreme passion, while he merely felt…detached. Interesting.

The fight was broken up by whip that wrapped around Seifer's blade, pulling it out of his hand, clattering to the ground, as Irvine held Squall back. "That is **quite** enough" Quistis snapped. "We're landing in Balamb soon…and we haven't found any trace of Zell. We need…we need to tell his mother."

"I'll go" Seifer and Squall both spoke in unison. Seifer didn't know why Squall was insistent on doing it, but he knew why he was. He didn't say aloud that Zell had asked him, in the letter, to deliver his Ma's personally.

* * *

Seifer loathed his dress uniform. He hated the purpose of wearing it even more. He carried the framed uniform stiffly, Zell's dress SeeD uniform pressed and cleaned before being folded into its own glass coffin. They never did find the body. His one strand of good mood was the unspoken agreement with Squall. Once this business was done, they would fight it out. Whoever one would simply tell the Garden a monster got the other one. They would know, but nobody would say anything about the truth.

Squall knocked on the door. After a few moments, it opened, and Seifer could see that Ma Dincht had just come back from doing groceries. "Good day, ma'am." Squall could sound polite when need be.

"Oh, Zell's friends. I'll be just a moment, tell him to show you into the living room, and he should know better than to kno-." He voice stopped when she saw the framed uniform, and the expression on the face of the two SeeD officers. "I…I always feared this day…I…I" She stopped slowly, the tears welling in her eyes. "Sit down, please…"

As they moved onto the couch opposite the now weeping woman, Seifer knew what he had to do, and began to reach for the envelope in his chest pocket. Then the door swung open, and a soaked, and disheveled looking blonde stumbled in, managed to mumble "Hey guys" and pass out, face first, on the floor.

* * *

AN: Again, thanks for the kind reviews, but please, some criticisms. I can't improve until I know what I do wrong. 


	8. Littlest Iceberg

Same Disclaimer as last time. Not mine, go away.

* * *

This chapter takes place at the same time as the previous one. You'll see at the end.

It was dark, and Zell's head hurt. He didn't want to move for fear of provoking the pain further. Then it began to feel like his head was being stretched, then a string of fire drawn through his brain and out his forehead. At that, he let out a loud painful moan.

'_Awake now are we?' _

"Shiva?"

'Who else?' a hint of annoyance, as well as humor 

"I…I thought you were…Matron."

_'Ah. That explains the surprise.'_

Zell tried opening his eyes. It wasn't all that bright after all, and all kinda tinted…blue.

"Where…ARE we?"

'About an hour from Balamb now that your awake to help me pull those spells from your mind.'

"So…that's what that was?"

'_Yes, Magic to power this little ice-submarine. And during the next hour, we're going to have a nice, _long, _talk.' _Zell groaned.

* * *

Shiva had gotten the truth out from him. She always could, even when nobody else was able. Perhaps because she knew him best, or perhaps because she simply cared more, but in either case, when they made landfall at Balamb, she was telling him in quite graphic detail, exactly what she would do to him if he even tried something that stupid again. Adding on at the end, that had best remember her and junction her away, instead of letting her be able to forge an ice bubble moments before impact with the water. And she had best get a letter of her own. Zell for his part, knew he was getting feverish, and was more than merely regretful for what he had done.

* * *

Zell pushed open the door. He knew he was about spent, and just wanted to manage to crawl into his bedroom, and hopefully the bed. But the floor would do just fine. He was, in the small part of his mind still functioning rationally, surprised to see Seifer and Squall in SeeD dress uniform, talking to his ma, who was weeping on the couch. To his credit, he even managed to mumble "Hey guys" and pass out, face first, on the floor.

* * *

AN: Short chapters, I know. Busy in life though. 


	9. AwakeningsLong Walks on the BeachRoomies

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the character, I own the plot. (kinda)

Warning: Adult Language, not recommended for all audiences.

* * *

Zell was in bed. His bed, he realized, once he opened his eyes. He remembered opening the door and his Ma was there. And…Squall? Yes, Squall…he was in the room now too. Sitting in a chair looking at him. Zell tried to speak, and managed to croak out "Wha-?"

"You passed out. Seifer and I carried you upstairs. Zell…how did you get here? What happened at the Garden?"

"…Fell." Zell's mind was spinning. They didn't know what he had really been doing. The letters must have blown away. Thank Hyne. He didn't know what he would do if they knew. If they pitied him. He couldn't handle it if they pitied him.

"As soon as your feeling more up to it, we're going to the Garden. They don't know your alright yet. Selphie has been crying for days."

"Seifer?" Zell wondered why his mind went to Seifer right away. Because he had seen him fall, he told himself. Probably blamed himself for startling him. Great. More guilt to bear.

"Seifer…he's downstairs, helping your mother. The shock didn't really do her good. She's still trying to understand what is going on. To be honest, we all are. How did you fall Zell, its not like you."

To give him the honest answer, or a half-honest one…half honest was safer. "…Drunk." That got him a look of reproach. Well, good. Its about time they realized he wasn't some innocent little kid anymore. If it was Irvine drunk, they shrug it off. But not little Zelly- No. Got to stop thinking that kind of thing. Bad thoughts. Bad.

'_Yes. They are.' _Ah, Shiva was awake.

'_Going to lecture me more and then describe how you will hurt me if I screw up again?' _

**_Mental smirk_** '_Not quite, "Zelly."'_ After that, Zell just cut off mental contact. He didn't need to hear that again. He knew he had messed up, why couldn't they just leave him alone. He just wanted to be alo-. Zell paused, and thought about what happened last time he was alone. Alone was bad. Then he realized Squall was waiting for an answer to something.

"What?"

An exasperated look. "I said, I'm going back to the Garden now. Do you want to come with me, get more sleep, or have me send Seifer up to talk?"

Options. Options were good. Which one though… "You go, I'll stay. Go with Seifer later." Squall just nodded and left without another word. Typical. Zell wondered when he got so cynical.

* * *

"Umm, Seifer, why are we walking on the beach, when the Garden is north?" Zell turned to face Seifer, and was in time to get a punch in the stomach, doubling him over and leaving him gasping for air.

Doubled over, Zell managed to gasp out "What…fuck…Seifer?" No answer, just something white and rectangular landing by his face. Once the stars faded, Zell let out a groan, both physical and mental. A white envelope. With the word "Seifer" written on it. In his writing. Seifer knew. Seifer **knew**. He was screwed. Seifer would tell. They would lock him up until he was "better". They would pity him. The pity. So Zell did the only thing he could think of, and thought with his fist. As he sprung from the sand and send a punch into Seifer's midriff, he wondered what this would accomplish, but pushed it to the back of his mind.

The two traded blows. Not a one hit on the face or exposed skin. They didn't want to leave marks. They both knew they couldn't. What Zell didn't know, was why Seifer was fighting. Zell knew that he was fighting because it was the only thing he could do well, and it just helped to let the stress flow through his fists, but what was driving Seifer. What?

After a hit to his chest sent him sprawling, Zell decided to just stay down, and closed his eyes. He could hear the ocean, and himself and Seifer panting. Then he heard Seifer drop down next to him in the sand.

"What the fuck indeed Zell. What. The. F-" Seifer began.

"I wasn't going to" Zell murmured, cutting the taller blond off. "Right when you opened the door…I was going to get down. But…I heard a voice, I thought it was Matron, and I turned and…"

The two were silent. There was nothing more to say. Not for the next half hour, as they watched the sun slowly sink below the waves.

"Will you tell?"

"No. I didn't tell them, and I won't. They don't deserve that much caring." Seifer's tone was bitter.

"Thanks…why do you care?"

"Because, Squall **never** forgot **my** birthday. And we aren't friends. You two are." Silence.

"Why me?"

"Why you what?"

"Why me to give your ma her letter."

Zell's eyes widened at that. "You **didn't**. You **wouldn't.** Did you? Would you" Desperation just oozed from Zell.

"I was about to, when you crashed in. But answer the question."

"Because."

"Because why?"

…_Why indeed? _"Because we're friends."

They didn't say anymore. Later, they got up, and walked home to the Garden in silence. They didn't need to say anything more, because it had all be said."

* * *

_Lunchtime in the Cafeteria._ _Two weeks after Zell's return

* * *

_

_  
_"Is to."

"Is not"

"Is to"

"Isn't"

"Is no- awrgh! Stop messing me up Seifer. A Gunblade is just a phallic symbol and you and Squall both know it!"

"If it's a phallic symbol, whats your little Cowboy's rifle then?"

"A weapon"

"Selphie" Sweetly.

"What?" Suspicious

"I'm not talking to you anymore."

Selphie growled and Zell laughed. Selphie and Seifer had this argument, or, well, any argument, almost every day. They both enjoyed it, and it always ended with one or the other ignoring the other one.

A SeeD cadet was walking up to their table, obviously in awe, or very seriously ill, carrying a pen and paper. "I..ah, I mean. Room space is getting short. All SeeDs have to pair up into a room to make space for cadets. Can, I, ah, please get your names and who you'll bunk with?"

Raijin and Fujin, Selphie and Irvine bunked up together right off, and Quistis looked at Squall with amusement, and asked him, to which he just shrugged and looks back at his reports. Quistis grinned and added both of them to a single room, and then the cadet look to Zell.

"Seifer? Will you?" Zell let his normal enthusiasm flow, gesturing wildly and trying to give a puppy-dog eye look. Seifer pointedly looked at Squall so everyone knew what he was doing and replied in dry tones "…whatever." At that, everyone (excluding Squall, who was absorbed in his work) began to chuckle, and Zell grinned. The two groups, the Sorceress Slayers and the Disciplinary Committee were just one big happy group now, and the fact that they could joke about each other and get laughs on each side was just proof. Zell gave his scrawl on the paper, rooming him together with Seifer. "We'll take my room." He said. "They gave me one of the bigger ones." He added quickly at Seifer's look of about to make a comment on that.

* * *

Zell was shocked at how much Seifer had fit into one of the smaller dorms. It nearly filled his bigger one, and it was all still boxed away. Dropping one box onto his bed, he turned to go back for more, when Seifer stepped in, carrying his mattress. "This is all that's left."

Between the two, they quickly had the two beds moved to the opposite wall, rather than in the middle where Zell's was before, and set up in Seifers case. Then Zell began to make a wall of boxes, much to the amusement of Seifer.

"What are you doing?"

"Splitting the room into my half and your half."

Seifer didn't have a reply for that. It actually made sense the way Zell was doing it. And Zell had been right; he had gotten one of the bigger ones. Shower, bath, and Kitchen were all in this one single dorm. Much better than his old one.

That night, from the vantage offered by his bed, Zell observed Seifer, as he went through an evening ritual. He went to the bathroom, changed, came back, unjunctioned, turned off the lights, and went straight to sleep. Shrugging to himself, Zell drifted off into dreams.

* * *

AN: Again, sorry for time between updates, but I did make it a larger one for you, rather than two smaller ones.

Also, I think the description on this story is driving away readers. Any suggestions what a better one fitting the story might be?

Bloody Rose: The reason the ice cave scene was so short, with so little, is because it wasn't part of the script originally. It was added last moment to add in certain plot elements, and I didn't really have any other plans for it. I realized I needed certain elements before the birthday chapter, and it was the first idea to come to mind.


	10. Teaching

Disclaimer: I have bought Square. These are my characters now. I will not listen to anything to the contrary. (Even though I didn't, and the characters are still Square's)

* * *

Zell was beginning to think moving in with Seifer may have been a bad idea. Seifer was irritable quite often, mostly when he was not in a group. Zell had begun to learn to tell that he just hid it better when he was in a group. Tonight was a particularly irritable night.

Seifer was already changed for sleeping, just wearing a pair of pajama pants, and was lying on his bed, scowling as he read through a book. Zell, likewise dressed, quietly, and as stealthily as he could, grabbed a trio of juggling balls (a hobby he had started and completely abandoned last week) from under his bed, located right beside the box Seifer's birthday present for him (a new set of gloves) had been in.

Fwap. The first ball hit Seifer's headboard. No reaction. Fwap. The second hit the back of his book. That was a scowl. Thud. That one hit Seifer full in the face. Growling, the older man stood up on his bed, growled out; "Your dead chicken-wuss" and leapt across the room onto Zell's bed, and Zell. Rolling with the sudden increase in weight, Zell fell off the bed, taking Seifer with him. Now on top of the bigger blonde, Zell grinned and tried to pin Seifer. Seifer, for his part, exerted his greater strength and had Zell on his back, while he straddled him, until Zell sprung forward, making their positions change.

After five or more minutes, Seifer managed to pin Zell, one of his arms holding down both of Zell's above his head, and on hand pushing down on Zell's chest. "Oooh. Such a nice view" came a feminine voice from the doorway. Both guys looked up in unison, to see a grinning Selphie leaning in the door. As Zell started to open his mouth, she interrupted him. "Since Seifer pounced on you. _Quite_ a nice view, I have to say." And Selphie just grinned. "Movie Night. Squall and Quistis's dorm. Twenty minutes." Selphie just turned and left after that.

* * *

Seifer and Zell had thrown shirts on, and were now seated on Quistis' loveseat, watching a comedy, which was the only genre they all ever agreed on. It happened slowly, Selphie coming by, and leaving a box beside the seat. When the credits began to roll, Quistis got up and went to the kitchen. She returned, moments later, with a cake with lit candles.

As the others sang _Happy Birthday_ to him, Zell signaled, with a shake of his head, that he didn't want Seifer to mention they were three weeks off from his birthday. They at least got the month right. The presents were predictable. Something cute, but useless from Selphie. Something practical from Squall. A book from Quistis. Booze from Irvine. Grinning, Zell made sure none of his feelings were showing, and apparently happy, spent the rest of the evening with his friends.

When Seifer brought up the subject that night, as they each lay in their own bed, Zell avoided it, by pretending to be asleep. He didn't think Seifer believed him.

* * *

Zell mentally growled. He hated students, but it was a new rule for all SeeD. They had to teach at least once in their careers, if only for a month or two. And his name **had** been drawn, fair and square. Over the last few weeks, he did feel a bit guilty over burdening Seifer with his problems, but Seifer just shrugged it off. And he had even come to today's lesson. Zell didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

"Alright, listen the hell up!" Seifer accentuated his order by drawing his Gunblade across an oddly shaped stone. At the high pitched noise that ensued, Zell groaned, and turned to look out into the training area, waiting for what he knew would come. Seifer had practiced getting that pitch just right for months. "Tomorrow you take your SeeD field test! So, we are making sure you can do the work tonight. If you fail here, you might as well go home!" Seifer accentuated his speech with a slash of his Gunblade, and pointed it at a student who raised her hand.

"Why isn't Mr. Dincht teaching the lesson?"

"Because 'Mr. Dincht' will be involved in the lesson!" Seifer grinned. He could see it coming already, he'd have to issue the orders quickly… "You are going to fight a T-Rexaur. Without our aid. You may not use a GF. You will keep your magic casting to a minimum. This course is on melee combat, and we expect you to demonstrate that!"

The T-Rexaur charged into view right then, summoned by the pitch the Gunblade had given. "Fight!"

The dozen or so students looked warily at the dinosaur as it took its time deciding which one to eat first. During this time, Zell sidestepped up to Seifer, and whispered; "What are you…?"

"Just be ready with some Cures." Came the quiet reply, as Seifer watched the students begin their assault. "The one with a broadsword is showing some good leadership, but little in tactics. The one with the whip, she does good tactics, but she's no Quistis when it comes to actually putting force behind the blows."

The commentary continued for the next ten minutes, until Seifer began to growl. "Why the hell does he even have a Gunblade? Its obvious he can't use it. Makes us all look bad"

The students were winning, ever so slowly, against the giant beast, until one over ambitious student stepped back, and closed her eyes. A smallish fireball burst over the creatures flank, doing no appreciable damage, but it lunged for her, jaw open and ready for a meal. The student Seifer had said had shown some good leadership stepped back, and began to focus. A small cloud, filled with lightning formed in front of him. Throwing off a few bolts before vanishing, the summon did little damage, but distracted the dinosaur long enough for someone to grab the fireballing student, and get her away.

Striding into the melee, Seifer grabbed the 'leader' by the shoulder, and roughly tossed him out of the fray. "I said no Guardian Forces!"

"But…the T-Rexaur…"

Growling, Seifer turned towards the aforementioned beast, and charged it, bringing his Gunblade from behind to infront in an upward arcing sweep. The students parted before, letting him have an unimpeded path. The T-rexaur stumbled, while Seifer staggered back slightly. It was only a few more moments before the beast fell over, dead.

"You're all dismissed. Go back to your dorms. … Now!" The students scrambled, and the two SeeDs began to discuss what each of the cadets did wrong…

* * *

Cid hadn't been all that happy the next morning. He had already had several complaints from students about the danger Seifer had exposed them too. He had rebuffed them with saying every SeeD should be able to handle him or her self. But, when the time for the SeeD mission came around, he had made a decision.

"Zell, as Melee instructor for most of them, you are expected to be there for them on this mission. Squall, you will lead the SeeD we have dispatched for this mission. Seifer, you will be going because of your experience with the opponent."

Seifer looked curious. "What opponent? I wasn't aware I'd left one alive…"

"The mission is to a newly appeared island. Apparently there is a cult worshipping the Diamond Dragon living on it. We have been hired to dispose of this cult."

That had been all of their briefing from Cid. There were maps and other things available on the gunboat/transport boat they rode, along with a handful of SeeD Cadets.

Staying aboard the ship, Squall was below, studying maps and relaying orders over the radio, Zell and Seifer however, were up top, looking at the island. How anyone had missed charting it before was beyond them.

Looking through his pair of binoculars, Zell rattled off a distance and bearing. Moments later, a fireball streamed from Seifer's hands into the cultists who were attempting to sneak up on Zell's students. Letting them test under true battle conditions, and preventing a slaughter was a thin line they both knew, and thus only took out the ones they felt they needed to.

After a while, the cultists stopped going after their wards, and it was obvious why. It was a near slaughter, no SeeD or Cadet had been lost, but the cultists were fighting to the death for every inch, but they were badly trained. Before most of them died, the majority of cultists called out to their god, the Diamond Dragon, to no avail, at least, not at first.

The battle was nearly over when it happened. Only a flash in the distance, the Dragon quickly grew in size as it approached, flying straight for the SeeD ships. The Cultists rejoiced, and fervently began to fight again. Those hopes of faith were dashed when the Dragon did not stop to strike at the boats. It kept going, obviously leaving the island. All of the Cultists began to cease their fighting, surrendering quietly, after that. Heartened by their victory, Zell was the first SeeD to realize the truth, and then only because of his closeness to Shiva. The Island had only appeared when the dragon was there. The dragon had formed it out of ice, and using magic made it appear as any other island, and not an iceberg, but an iceberg it had been. Without the dragon, the magic holding the island together was no more. Already, the ice floes were forming, breaking off.

"Signal a full retreat Squall! Now!" Zell yelled down the hatch. Manipulating the controls in front of him, the boat began to pick up speed, accelerating toward the center of the ice, ground splitting before the hull, revealing itself for the ice it truly was. As the other ships tried to retrieve their SeeDs, Zell knew they would be too late, unless something was done. So he did something. Once the ship was close to the center of the Island, he turned Shiva free.

A small, human sized shell of ice speared up out of the ground. Shattering, the Ice Goddess strode from out of her shell, and lifted up her arms, simultaneously draining every ice, or cold related spell from Zell's mind. In this onslaught of draining, Zell passed out into Seifer's arms, whom carried him down the hatch, and onto a seat. Outside, the ice began to freeze again, spiraling out from Shiva's feet, solidifying into a single mass, allowing the SeeDs time to escape. Once the last Seed set foot on their boat, Shiva vanished, and with her went the magic's holding the island together.

* * *

Zell's head felt like exploding, or rather, like it had already exploded and was about to do it again. Groaning, Zell brought a hand to his temple and rubbed gently as he opened his eyes cautiously. He was in his and Seifer's room, in his own bed, with Seifer looking at him from across the room, a worried expression on his face.

"Why is it…" Zell began, "that, every time I am alone with you outside this room, I end up in extreme pain?"

"Luck?" Good to see Seifer hasn't lost his sense of sarcasm, Zell thought. "You saved everyone you know. You and Shiva that is. Broke a few records on GF use at the same time as well. They want to give you a few medals for it."

After that, Zell just fell asleep again.

* * *

They were back where they had first encountered the Dragon. It was a blizzard again. Obviously, that was a sign of the creature's presence. Squall and Irvine had the north sector, Seifer and Zell, the south, near where the cave they happened across last time was. All seemed quiet, and the two SeeDs kept a leisurely pace going. The only sound that could be heard over the howl of the wind was when the ground shattered beneath them, and they both fell into another cave.

Zell groaned as soon as he could recover from having the air knocked out of him. "Your right Seifer…every time we are in the same place outside the Garden…even inside, I keep getting injured…." Zell massaged the wrist that broke his fall.

"Seifer? … Seifer?" Zell cast his gaze around the dimly lit tunnel. There. A lump on the ground, roughly body sized. It had to be Seifer. Zell crawled over to him.

"Seifer?" Shit, he wasn't breathing. What to do, what to do? Zell began to panic.

"_Take a breath. Then do CPR" _Shiva. Shiva always knew what to do. Zell took her advice and took a deep breath, and let it out, as he rolled Seifer onto his back, and pressed on his chest a few times, then inhaled again. Putting his mouth to Seifer's, Zell attempted to force the air back into Seifer's lungs. Breathe; push on Seifer's chest. Breathe; push on Seifer's chest….

On the third attempt to breathe into Seifer, Zell felt a pressure back on his lips, and pulled back, looking at Seifer, who, for his part, coughed and worked his way to a sitting position. The two stayed like that until the rescue party found them an hour later.

* * *

AN: I removed the character death from the description. It was going to be Rinoa who died, but I felt like not even giving her a part, if all she was going to really be was in the description (Which was really going to be all the major mention, aside from Squall leaving for her funeral). Besides, it gives me another character to play with later. 


	11. Dating

Disclaimer: No. Go away. Not mine.

* * *

Seifer had taken a few days to recover. The fall had apparently broken a pair of his ribs, and the spell he had tried to start as he fell had just melted the ice around him, which Zell had been to busy to notice. Seifer never wanted to repeat the experience of being unable to move while facedown in a puddle of icy water again. It was only a week before he felt well enough again for a date.

"C'mon Chicken-Wuss, twins. Blonde twins. She insisted on having a date for her sister, and your it. Now get dressed, we leave the Garden in twenty minutes." Seifer knew he couldn't give Zell time to make a refusal, so he left the room then, heading down to the garage to make sure the car was ready.

Zell stopped grumbling once Seifer left. It wasn't that he didn't want to go out; he just didn't feel like going out on a date. He pulled on a dress shirt and khaki's, and lazed about the room for the next fifteen minutes, running a comb through his hair a few times. Then it was time to go, he didn't want to keep Seifer waiting, after all; he had to live with Seifer.

* * *

Zell groaned. Being a blonde himself, he knew full well the stereotype about empty-headed blondes, and these twins fulfilled every single one of them. After casting a glance at Seifer, he knew the other guy felt the same. Disappointing, to say the least, was running through Seifer's mind, when one of them suddenly stood up.

"Oh! We, like, totally forgot! Sorry, we gotta go. Hair appointment!" Giggling, the two left, leaving Seifer and Zell to pick up the bill. A good trade off, in Zell's mind.

"Looks like we won't be taking anyone back to the garden with us this trip, Chicken-wuss."

"…Whatever"

"Nice Squall impression." They finished their meal in relative silence. After paying and leaving, Seifer made a pit stop at the nearby liquor store. Coming out several minutes later, a few bottles in hand, Seifer piled them onto the backseat and ordered Zell to head back to Garden.

* * *

They were both changed out of their dress clothes, lying back on their own beds in nothing more than pajama pants when Seifer brought out the beer bottles and tossed one over to Zell.

"Cheers." Seifer raised his bottle in a form of mock-salute. Zell returned the gesture, opened his, and downed some.

After the third one each, Zell knew he had had way too much. He simply couldn't handle alcohol well. "My head is gonna hurt so bad in the morning…"

"But it will feel good tonight, so it all balances out." Seifer didn't even seem fazed…much. Slight slurring, but that was all. "Toss your other one over here then."

Zell complied, tossing the last unopened beer on his bed over to Seifer's…and squarely hitting Seifer's open one, knocking it over and spilling the contents all over the bed. Seifer leaped up and off his bed, after picking up the bottle and a pillow.

"Dammit Chicken-Wuss! What are you trying to do?" Zell mumbled/slurred out an apology and closed his eyes. Everything was getting a bit louder it seemed. "Well, I'm not sleeping on the floor, and I'm not sleeping in a soaked bed. You can wash the blankets in the morning."

Seifer walked across the room, stepped over Zell, and lay down on Zell's bed, between Zell and the wall. Lifting up the covers, Seifer pulled them over himself and put his back to Zell, and went to sleep. Zell just watched in a drunken stupor, then seemed to recover slightly, put down his bottle on the floor, reached up, turned off his lamp, and pulled his covers over himself.

Zell woke up in the dark later on, and ignoring the ringing in his head, tried to figure out what the warmth in his bed was. Then he felt Seifer's arm's tighten slightly, and realized Seifer had one arm underneath him, one arm over him, holding him tight. Zell tried to think for a moment but gave up, and pressed his back into the comfortable, and, he noticed, warm and muscular, chest of the older man. Zell went back to sleep.

* * *

It was ten in the morning when Selphie came by to wake Zell, who had been late for their training. Her eyes widened as she took in the scene, Zell being held by Seifer in his bed, and she just left without a word.

* * *

AN: Another short chapter, but I wanted to get something written today. 


	12. Christmas With The Dincht's

Disclaimer: Squaresoft, not me, blah blah blah.

* * *

Seifer opened his eyes. The room looked wrong. It took a few minutes for it to sink in why, and he realized he was in Zell's bed. Looking around, he noted a few things. Zell was gone. His bed was bare, its sheets gone. Obviously, Zell had gone to wash them. And, they had made a mess with bottles last night. One was broken on the floor. Seifer thought about getting up to clean it, but decided against it and pulled the covers back up and closed his eyes. He liked this bed; it was comfortable. It had the faintest smell of Zell, but Seifer decided that wasn't too bad. Seifer sank back to sleep.

* * *

Seifer had made gotten up for lunch, and sleepily slumped at the table, surrounded by the others, except for Zell. He didn't ask where Zell was. Selphie decided to tell him repeatedly that Zell was busy doing something somewhere for someone. She was trying to be secretive he realized, and wondered why.

After lunch, Selphie cornered Seifer in the hall next to the laundry room, and as soon as Zell stepped out the door began shooting off questions.

"When? How long? Why didn't you tell?" And on and on she went. Zell and Seifer exchanged some very confused glances, and Zell spoke up.

"Err…what are you talking about Selphie?"

"Well, you two! Being, you know, together!" That sent both guys rocking back on their heels. "I saw you this morning." Selphie giggled. "So cute together."

"Selphie, we aren't together." Zell tried to reason with her, blushing dark red.

"Then why are you sleeping together?"

"We weren't. I spilt a beer on his bed and he wouldn't sleep on the floor."

Selphie, looked somewhat disappointed. "Oh." She turned and left at that, while Seifer tried not to burst out in hysterics.

Seifer looked at Zell. Zell looked at Seifer. Wordlessly, the two turned and went different directions.

* * *

Over the next few days, Zell and Seifer did a remarkable job avoiding each other, considering they shared a room. The first word since the Selphie incident came from Zell, after he was alone with Seifer in the cafeteria. 

"Christmas is coming soon. What are you doing?" Zell managed to sound subdued…at least, subdued for Zell's standards.

"…Nothing" Seifer managed to lack emotion.

"Ma…wants me to invite some of my friends over this year, and…"

"And I'm the only one not busy."

"Well…yeah."

"Fine"

"Sweet!" Zell bounced off down the hall, not giving Seifer any time to change his mind.

* * *

As Ma Dincht hugged him, Seifer couldn't help but think of the reason for the last time he had come here. It put a bit of damper on him. After taking the cup of eggnog forced on him by a hyper Zell (hyper being hyper, even for Zell), who seemed excited to be home again. Leaving his Gunblade by the door, Seifer carried his bags in and looked around. No guest room, which meant… 

"We're still bunking together!" Zell rattled off the words before downing his mug and placing it down, then dragging his bag to his room.

Seifer couldn't understand Zell's enthusiasm. It was just another day off, why was he so excited? What was so different between them, that he couldn't even see what was so special about Christmas with a family? Perhaps because he never had had one?

"You'll take the bed one day, I'll have the next, and we just keep switching until the garden swings by to pick us up." Zell grinned and Seifer just nodded. It was fine by him…

* * *

Seifer entered the bedroom, wearing only his towel from his shower, and blinked at the pair of pajama pants on the bed. They weren't his, and he never saw Zell wear red ones before, besides which, they were too big… 

"Every Christmas Eve, we get a new pair of pajama's. Family tradition." Zell explained from where he was making camp on the floor.

That explained it, Seifer thought, and picked them up, pulling them on at the same time as he dropped his towel. Crawling into the bed, he realized just how tired he was, and all they had done was travel that day. After a few minutes of lying awake, listening to Zell breathe, he just sighed.

"Zell, I can tell you're not comfortable on the floor."

"Its fine. Really."

"Chicken-Wuss, its your room, and your bed."

Silence.

"I want you in my bed, Seifer." Zell stopped talking after that, letting what he just said sink in before stammering out, eyes wide.

"Zell, just take half of your damned bed." Seifer wasn't in a mood to argue.

"…Are you sure?" Seifer could hear the trepidation in Zell's voice, and nearly growled out his reply.

"Yes."

Without another word, Zell got up, grabbed his pillow, and piled into his bed, putting his back to Seifer, as Seifer wondered why Zell had gotten so uncomfortable last time, that he had avoided Seifer for days on end.

* * *

It was Seifer who woke up first, and inhaled reflexively, and blinked his eyes open while realizing he had Zell, snoring softly, wrapped in his arms, his chin resting just above Zell's head. He felt Zell begin to stir, and saw Zell's eyes flutter open, and Zell relaxed back against him, before stiffening his back and rolling out from Seifer's arms. 

"Present time!" Zell yelled while Seifer winced at the volume.

* * *

Zell and Seifer had gone in on Ma Dincht's gift together, having to sneak off a call to Laguna without Squall finding out. Laguna had agreed to their request, and Ma Dincht now held a ticket to a first class spa in Esthar. All she had to do was be at the right place at the right time, and she'd be taken via the Ragnarok, back and forth. 

Zell had gotten Seifer a new Gunblade blade, which surprised Seifer, as he hadn't known Zell knew enough about Gunblades to be able to pick out so good of a blade. Seifer had gotten Zell a bottle of Balamb leather oil, and some movie and magazine subscriptions. (Getting an address for the flying Garden had been a pain)

* * *

AN: Just felt like doing one from Seifer's view for once. 

I try for a minimum of a thousand words per story, thus at chapter one, its 1000 words, chapter 11 its 11000, and so on. Just felt like sharing what my minimums are. Or at least, are now.


	13. Drunk Love

Disclaimer: Squaresoft, not me, blah blah blah.

AN: Well, just gotta remember, Zell may have a lot of experience at saving the world, but socially, he's still pretty much a naïve child. And Seifer can be an ass.

* * *

Zell stood on the balcony, looking out over the ocean. 

"_Zell, honey, I **really** think you should talk to me…" _Shiva's mental voice was its usual soothing tone, but had a faint sense of urgency to it.

"I don't fe-. I mean, I don't…I don't know!" Zell gave up trying to articulate his thoughts to his little goddess. "Its just…I don't know, I keep thinking about him. I'm worrying about him being off on-mission, and I don't know why."

A long time elapsed before Shiva's response.

_"He's one of your friends, its only natural that you worry. After all, I know, and I do mean know, that you worry every time someone else goes out on a dangerous mission."_

"I know, but it's just, you know, not like this. It's not like he's off on some dangerous job or other, just doing some border running, but still. Its just…I don't like it, I don't want to just feel useless!" Zell moved away from the balcony, moving to stand at the wall, sun on his back.

_"Zell."_ Zell ignored her, just starting to shadowbox, relaxing into the flow and familiar burn. _"ZELL."_

"Alright, alright, don't yell." Zell continued his shadowboxing. "Just cause I want him to hold me doesn't mean you should start yell-." Zell let his hands drop to his side as he registered what he just said for a few minutes, remaining motionless (a feat for Zell). "Shiva…" Zell began uncertainly, his voice shaking a bit.

_"Yes Zell?"_ Shiva's voice was cool, calm, familiar, and laced with trepidation, obviously worried about what might go through Zell's mind.

"I…" Zell let the sentence hang while he closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the cool bulkhead of the Garden. "Do I…Can I have a crush on Seifer?"

No response.

"I mean, I, I'm just so…comfortable around him, I just wanna keep sticking around him. I want every night to be like Christmas Eve was." Again, no reply from Shiva, but Zell didn't even notice. "But, he, I mean, he brings a different girl over a few nights a week, so, its not like he likes guys, but…I mean, I can't know if I don't ask, right? He gets back tomorrow…I'll talk to him then."

Again, Shiva kept quiet. She didn't know whether to encourage this and hope it worked out, or to stop it while it was just budding, but possibly stop Zell being happy. She didn't like being this much out of control.

* * *

"Hey Seifer?" 

"Whats up Zell?" Zell blinked and swallowed slightly; Seifer was dripping wet, wearing only a towel, and Zell had to force himself to meet Seifer's eyes rather than the muscular chest. Seifer didn't seem to notice.

"Seifer, want to go on a date?" Zell kept his tone as nonchalant as he could.

Seifer blinked in surprise, then laughed for a moment. "Okay, okay, your point is made Zell." Seifer went back into the bathroom then, coming back out dressed and ready for a night out, and left quickly.

* * *

A few hours later, Zell sleepily looked around at what woke him up, and saw Seifer leading a brunette to Seifer's bed, and after a few long minutes of trying to connect things, realized that Seifer had only ever brought blonde's home; Seifer must have assumed Zell was making fun of that, being a blonde himself. Zell resolved to do better in asking in the morning, after the girl left; they always left, never staying more than one night, and always being local to where the Garden was, Seifer obviously wasn't looking for a relationship with them.

* * *

"Seifer…I was serious last night. Dinner, you and me, out in the city tonight?" The Garden was hovering beside Timber, and Zell remembered a restaurant he wanted to visit there. 

It was a looooong pause.

"No. I'm not a…gay." Seifer had just barely managed not to use another word, and Zell knew it. He was still sitting on his bed mulling that over, a look of hurt on his face, when Seifer stormed out.

* * *

Zell stood on the balcony, looking out over the ocean. "Zell, honey, you should talk to me. Please" 

"He hates me." Zell didn't need to say more, those three words held so much pain it made Shiva wince.

"_No Zell, he doesn't **hate** you_. _He's just confused._" Shiva really, really, wished she had advised him against saying anything now.

Zell pushed her mental call out of his thoughts and looked over at the water. It had looked so warm and pleasant the other day, now it looked cold, gray and merciless. Just like it had on his birthday. It had all seemed so simple then, he didn't have these feelings weighing him down, when he had stood on the railing, and he had felt so carefree. He wished he could feel like that again. He could feel Shiva trying to get his attention again, urgently, but he pushed her back, needing time to himself.

Zell had closed his eyes, letting the wind enwrap him, his hands gripping the railing, when he heard the door opening. Probably just a student looking for a place to study Zell thought, and ignored it when heard the door close again, and no sounds of shoes tapping on the floor outside.

"Zell." Zell jumped. Seifer had stood quietly for the last five minutes, and Zell was off in his own little world.

"What?" Zell wondered if had meant to sound that harsh.

"…I'm sorry."

"Shouldn't you be off picking up your entertainment for the night" Again, Zell wondered if he was really as bitter as he sounds.

"Zell, c'mon man.'

Silence.

Seifer stood beside Zell now, looking out over the balcony with him.

"I said sorry. I don't think I ever have before." Seifer sounded really off balance, apparently having expected Zell to accept the apology and be fine.

Zell took Seifer by surprise. One moment, his hands were gripping the balcony rail tight, the next they were holding Seifer's head by the sides, Zell's lips pressing against his, and the next moment after that, Zell was already at the door, leaving.

Seifer pushed open the bedroom door, and saw Zell curled up his bed, back to Seifer's side of the room. Seifer winced; patching things up would be harder than he thought, but then, Zell was being unpredictable, Seifer's hand brushed his lips at that thought.

* * *

It was a week later when Zell spoke to him again. Every meal had Seifer eating elsewhere, everyone else apparently taking Zell's side, and not talking to Seifer either, except when they had to. 

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what Zell?"

"What you said. About sorry."

"That? Yeah, of course. We're friends, right?"

"Right…just friends." The bitterness was palpable in Zell's tone.

"Zell, if you, I mean, we can have a date. If you want." Seifer didn't want to raise Zell's hopes, but he couldn't just leave their friendship where it was.

* * *

Dinner had been decent, and both had ended up having too much to drink, for very different reasons; Zell had been drinking to get drunk, while Seifer had been drinking more responsibly, but still liberally in an attempt to make things seem better. The result however, was that Zell was practically being carried by Seifer, and they both ended up collapsing onto a bed (Seifer's this time). 

"…love you Seifer…" Zell mumbled.

Seifer didn't say anything at first, then mumbled out "I know" Then he grinned drunkenly, "Looks like I didn't go pick up a girl tonight, but I still got a blonde in my bed."

"That mean we'll be the ones screwing all night."

Seifer didn't reply, so Zell pulled him close and laid a kiss on him. Seifer didn't pull away, so Zell whispered into his ear. "Come on, sleep with me. And I don't mean the snoring kind." Seifer was a bit hesitant, so Zell took the initiative and begin to undo Seifer's pants.

It was morning when Zell opened his eyes sleepily, he could tell because of the sunlight streaming into the room. As the memories of the previous night came back to him, Zell pushed back into the warmth of the body holding him, ignoring the slight pain in his lower half as he pulled the taller blonde's arms closer around him, holding them close to his chest, and closed his eyes again, listening to Seifer breathe as he slept, and wondered just what he was going to tell everyone else, let alone Seifer if it turned out he was drunker than he had seemed, but then pushed those thoughts out of his mind and enjoyed the early morning in bed.

* * *

AN: Well, hope that advanced the plot enough to make some of you happy. 


	14. Truth And Consequences

Disclaimer: Squaresoft Owns. I only write.

Warning: Mature content.

AN: Kaio: Its Seifer; of course he'll be an ass.

* * *

Zell opened his eyes again. He had fallen asleep in Seifer's arms at least a few hours ago he realized; looking at how high the sun had risen, and noticed he was alone in the room. It was a number of minutes, spent lazily, and happily laying in Seifer's bed, before he thought that there might be a number of reasons Seifer wasn't there when he woke up, and the number of bad ones far outweighed the only good one Zell could think of; Seifer having an appointment to make. Dragging himself out of his roommate's bed, Zell shrugged on a shirt and pair of shorts, and, after running a hand through his hair, set out to find Seifer.

* * *

Seifer was in the Training Center, Zell found, having searched every other section of the Garden first, only realizing at the end that it was the logical place for someone who uses violence as an answer to everything to go to think. 

"Seifer?" Zell ventured quietly at the trench coat-ed figure warming up with his Gunblade, back to Zell.

No answer, just a slash in the air from the moving weapon.

"Seifer…talk to me. What's wrong?" Zell didn't like the feelings he was having; the dread was practically choking him.

It was a long time in silence; the only sound that of air parting before the blade, before Seifer answered, softly, and very coldly. "You used me."

Zell blinked. "No I didn't. What we di-"

"You **USED** me." Seifer interrupted, the usual fire of his temper was ice cold now, and Zell was more than slightly scared of the tone.

Zell didn't know how to reply, and so he stayed quiet, fidgeting nervously, as Seifer turned around slowly, his right hand gripping the Gunblade so tightly it was shaking.

"I was drunk, and you took advantage of me. You used me as your damned sex toy."

"I was drunk too! And if you hadn't wanted to do it, you damn well wouldn't have." Zell didn't know why he had added the swear into that, but it had felt good.

Seifer's reply was non-verbal, and entirely physical. A twitch of his wrist send his Gunblade swinging out toward Zell, who only managed to pull his head back at the last moment, feeling the blade slice into his face, cutting into his nose, right below his eye, after that, his sight went red, and not just from the blood flowing from his wound. He took a few hits from the blunt of Seifer's blade in the next few minutes, but managed to get a far better number of blows in on Seifer. After he decked Seifer in the jaw and the older man fell to the ground stunned, Zell took the chance and fled the battle, and the training center, the gash along his face stinging from the salt of the few tears that slipped from his eyes.

* * *

Quistis approached Seifer carefully. 

"Seifer…" She took a breath and kept going, talking to the man's back. "What happened to Zell…he looked like he was in pretty bad shape when he came running out of here…"

Quistis sighed, as she got no response from the man. "We can't find him. We've searched the Garden. He was bleeding pretty bad…" Quistis reached over and pulled on Seifer's arm, trying to turn him. She wished she hadn't. Seifer's face was already heavily bruised, with a black eye, and swelling badly. "Seifer."

"Go away."

"We can't find Zell."

"So?"

"There's only one place we can't check…a balcony on the second floor. The doors stuck. Will you try to talk to him? Please…?" As soon as she said the door to the balcony wouldn't open, Seifer's expression had flashed with shock and fear, then his normal mask came back, and he pushed past Quistis without another word, heading to the balcony, where he knew Zell would have gone. And, if what he feared was right, was going to finish what he tried on his birthday.

* * *

The door blew open after a judicious application of fire magic to melt away Shiva's ice, and Seifer strode through, slamming it shut behind him again, stepping up to stand beside Zell, who was staring out at the water. 

Seifer leaned out over the edge and closed his eyes, feeling the wind on his face. "I'm sorry Zell."

A mumbled reply, sounding oddly like 'Alright'.

Another pause

"Do you remember, when we were little, when someone adopted me from Matron's for a few months?"

"…Yeah."

"Did you ever hear just why I was sent back?"

"No"

"The guy, he was totally normal, in almost every way. After I had been there a little over a week, he began to make sure I didn't turn out like his son did. Every day, he would slip some kind of message about how being gay was bad, into every conversation he could. I found out that his son had run off with his boyfriend. His wife left him over how he took the news. He just became a crusader to save others from 'corruption'" The last was said with a cold tone. "If he ever saw me doing anything he thought might lead to me being gay, I would be wearing long sleeves, until the bruises healed. So many things set him off, I can't even keep track of the times anymore."

Zell didn't know what to say. "Shit, Seifer, I'm sorry, I never knew."

"Nobody does, I never told anyone. Matron knew, because they returned me to her, but she was the only one who knew. Every time I try to think of you and I being a couple, I see him again, hear him ranting. Feel bruises long since healed."

No response from Zell.

"You're probably wondering why I'm telling you now…probably because, I wasn't really all that drunk last night, I still was a bit in control of myself…and I…I enjoyed it. And then I keep thinking about him, and what he said about his own son, and how there are so many people like him out there…and I just…don't want to see you hurt like that. So if I keep denying it…maybe it'll go away, y'know? Besides, I thought Squall would be the gay one out of the entire group, not you…us."

"Squall? Why?"

"The bondage pants."

"Ah."

Zell turned to look at Seifer, and Seifer saw that he had left his mark on Zell, the cut was identical to his own scar, but it looked so out of place on that tattooed face. Pushing past his doubts, Seifer bent down, and pressed his lips to Zell's, probing slightly with his tongue, until he felt enough time had passed, and broke the kiss and murmured. "Lets get you to the infirmary before that scars."

* * *

AN: Might not be what folks were expecting, but who said I try to meet your expectations? Its not the end of the story, but we are drawing ever closer. 

AN v2: I didn't like the way draft one of this chapter was, so I rewrote certain sections. So there.


	15. Religious Encounter

Disclaimer: …do I **really** need to do this **again**?

* * *

Seifer couldn't sleep. He could hear Zell, softly snoring, across the room. Deciding again that it was too cold, Seifer got up for the fourth time, and adjusted the temperature. He could have sworn it kept getting colder.

A half hour later, he knew it had gotten colder in the room. And Zell still slumbered on, oblivious to the temperature change. Instead of changing the temperature again, Seifer dug through the room until he procured a handful of thick blankets, and piled them on his bed before slipping under them. He managed to slip off into sleep after a short time.

* * *

Seifer awoke rather violently. Literally. Opening his eyes, Seifer found himself looking down at a statue of ice, holding him high against the wall by the throat. He struggled, but quickly gave up after he found how little effect it was having. After glaring at him for a long while, the female ice statue withdrew her hand, letting him fall to the floor roughly, where he held his throat as the numbing faded.

After he regained use of his vocal cord, Seifer managed to croak out "What?" At which point, the figure glared at him.

"What are your intentions toward **my** Zell?" She demanded

"Your…?" Understanding came after the word, realizing just who, and what, the figure before him was. "…Shiva?"

She merely stared at him, her glistening blue eyes probing his mind, his soul, and judging what she found. Seifer found himself feeling violated, and broke the stare he had with the judging guardian force, and managed another word; "Why?"

"Why? You ask me why, mortal? Because you threaten my Zell. That is why. I will know what you intend to do with him, and if you do not answer satisfactorily, all they will find in the morning is an open window and an empty bed. Understand?" Shiva's eyes narrowed and she looked at Seifer darkly. "I can feel your minor fire spirit working in your mind, to bring up magics to attack me. It will not work and will end in pain. Yours." Shiva nodded slightly as she felt Seifer's GF release the magic it was gathering for him.

"How are you…"

"We may give up our corporeal forms to meld with you mortals, but some of us can reclaim our physical form, when the need comes. Now, stop avoiding the question and answer. What. Are your. Intentions. TO. MY. ZELL." She was fairly shouting with the final set of words, and Seifer didn't know how Zell was still asleep, his glance at the slumbering form not going unnoticed.

"He won't be awaking until dawn. Do not push me little mortal."

"What are my intentions?" Seifer felt he was validated to rage against the goddess. "He had pursued me."

"And he is innocent. You cannot claim such."

"Perhaps I am not. But, maybe that doesn't matter. Just maybe, the fact that I think I love him, I **want** to love him, is enough!" Seifer raised his voice, trusting that if Shiva said Zell wouldn't wake, he wouldn't.

Shiva remained silent; her judging eyes staying on him.

"And where do you get off, playing interrogator of Zell's b-…friends." For some reason, his mouth stumbled over the first part of the last word, and he wondered, albeit briefly, if he could even reasonably claim boyfriend status. If Zell hadn't meant it to be serious, he wouldn't have manipulated him the other night…would he? Seifer didn't realize how long he was spending on his introspection until he realized Shiva was still staring quietly.

"I am Zell's soul mate. The one who knows him best, and shares his experiences. We are a single being. That is where I 'get off, playing interrogator'. I will not let you hurt him. He is innocent, his heart still pure. Can you say, in honesty, that it would remain that way, if he pursued this course with you? Or would it end up as stained and ragged as yours?"

Shiva's words were damning, and true, Seifer realized, but did not relent. "Isn't that his decision, his path to take? If all you do it protect him from the slightest scratch, how will he grow up?"

Shiva merely glared at first. "Very well. But, be aware…the moment you hurt him, I will be waiting. Never forget that; I **will** be waiting for you."

Shiva turned, and as she did, her icy form melted and evaporated in one motion, dispersing her 'body' in moments, and Seifer was alone with Zell again. He had known GF's had a physical body at one point…after all, part of the SeeD training required getting one to give up their mortal form to join them, but he hadn't heard of one remaking such a form. Was Shiva's bond with Zell so strong it let her be independent?

Looking back at his bed, Seifer made a decision and crossed the room, pulled up the covers, and slid into Zell's bed, sliding one arm below Zell's neck, the other on top of Zell's flat stomach, and rested his head on Zell's softly rising and falling chest, and fell asleep. He had decided that Zell would be better off not knowing about his protecting, frosty, guardian angel.

­

* * *

Seifer awoke a minute or two before Zell, and just lay there, content, until Zell woke up. He could feel by the stretching of the lithe body below him when Zell had woken, and could even feel when Zell grinned, realizing that Zell used his whole body language to express the smile, and couldn't help a similar look crossing his own face. After enjoying the moment, Seifer opened his eyes and rolled back in the bed so he could look right at Zell and meet his eyes as he spoke the next question. 

"So, which one of us is going to tell the others about this?"

* * *

AN: Sorry for the long time without an update folks. Barely could get 1000 words out of this. 


	16. Breaking Squall and Understandings

Disclaimer: See previous dozen chapters

AN: Here you go, 5:20 AM and I'm writing you all a story. Can you tell how much I hate how working night shifts screws up my sleeping habits?

* * *

Seifer awoke a minute or two before Zell, and just decided lay there, content, until Zell woke up. He could feel by the stretching of the lithe body below him when Zell had woken, and could even feel when Zell grinned, realizing that Zell used his whole body language to express the smile, and couldn't help a similar look crossing his own face. After enjoying the moment, Seifer opened his eyes and rolled back in the bed so he could look right at Zell and meet his eyes as he spoke the next question.

"So, which one of us is going to tell the others about this?"

Zell paused.

"…You?"

Seifer gave a small growl and Zell hastily finished "And me…?"

"Better."

Seifer leaned into Zell and chuckled, smirked, and bit softly on Zell's ear. Zell's eyes flashed wide open, and then got a very different look.

* * *

Two hours later, a freshly showered pair of blondes stumbled out of their dorm and toward the cafeteria. Dropping his tray of hotdogs on the table and sliding into the chair next to Seifer. He looked up and around the table. Everyone but Quistis was there…and she sat down next to Squall in a matter of moments.

Cramming down as many hotdogs as he could, Zell waited until everyone else had finished eating before trying to speak. After the first attempt, he finished eating and tried speaking without a mouthful.

"So, ah, I, well, Seifer and I, kinda have something to tell you guys."

In the following silence and a handful of waiting looks from the others, Zell started to babble inanely, turning red. Noting the distress, Seifer just heaved a sigh, reached one hand behind Zell's head, and pulled Zell's lips to his. After a shocked moment, with his eyes flaring wide open, then narrowing to slits, Zell's tongue began to counterattack Seifer's, until he remembered where, and with who, he was, and pulled away, face burning bright red. Seifer merely gave a contented smirk and leaned back in his chair, feet up on the table.

"I think they get the point now." Zell couldn't believe it; Seifer was having the time of his life with this.

Selphie blinked, then grinned at Irvine, who just shook his head at something. Quistis however was sitting staring at Squall, who hadn't so much as blinked.

"…I think you broke Squall."

Snapping back to attention, Squall sputtered slightly, then resumed his stoic attitude. "…Congratulations."

* * *

The rest of the meal had gone by with its fair share of awkward silences and jokes, but Zell generally thought it had gone all right. Seifer however, couldn't keep the smirk off his face.

"Did you SEE the look on Squall's face? We **so** should have had a camera with us. Puberty boy's not going to live this one down for a while, eh Chicken-wuss?"

Despite not sharing his lover's enjoyment at the expense of a friend, Zell was just glad to see Seifer in a good mood, and was practically dragged back to the dorm, destined not to leave 'till morn.

* * *

That night, Seifer woke up, the right side of his body cold, the left being warmed a certain Balamb boy, and opened his eyes, looking directly into the face of another of Shiva's ice constructs.

"Whadda want this time?" Seifer mumbled, grabbing for a pillow to cover his face, but not finding one not in use.

"Just a reminder." Shiva's construct gave a ring off, like that of a small bell, and exploded into millions of sparkling snowflakes, before melting in midair, the only evidence she had been there, the small puddle on the floor that would dry long before sunrise.

He was really going to have to figure out how to appease Zell's goddess.

* * *

Zell wandered the halls, painfully aware of the snide comments being sniggered at him from behind books; innocent looks in place whenever he glanced at them. After running into Seifer…literally, too absorbed in his surroundings to watch his path, he whispered a question to the bigger blonde; "How can you stand the comments?"

It took Seifer a moment to understand, then an understanding, and sympathetic look flashed across his face. "I'm used to it. Sorceress Knight, foe of SeeD, remember?" Seifer tried to act light-hearted, disconcerted to see Zell so down. "And when did you start caring what morons thought of you?"

Zell's eyes held a spark as they met Seifer's. "I've always cared what you thought about me"

Seifer pantomimed a blow to the heart. "You've slain me…"

"Bah, get up." Zell tugged on the overdramatic Seifer, who was now splayed out on the floor, clutching his chest.

"Mortally wounded, our hero breathes his last…"

Zell crouched next to Seifer's face and whispered again. "Do I need to do mouth to mouth then?"

A look of mixed devotion and lust crept into Seifer's eyes. "Last one to the room's on bottom" Springing up, Seifer took off for the rooms, Zell hot on his heels, murmuring, not unhappy, about insatiable blondes.

* * *

Wrapped in the blanket, Zell listened contentedly to the sound of Seifer dozing softly, and pulled himself closer to the man, enjoying the moment, the sounds, and the feelings he felt for him.

He didn't realize he had fallen asleep until he woke up, and felt Seifer slowly massage his back. Regretting it, Zell turned over to face Seifer and curled up close to him.

"Seifer…" A soft whisper, Zell tried to keep his tone clear and unwavering, unlike his emotions

An arched eyebrow indicated the older man was listening and Zell continued, somewhat reluctantly.

"You won't leave me, will you?" Zell was sure that he had kept the need and uncertainty out of most of that, and waited, each second an eternity, for the reply; which, when it came, was simple, short, and to the point.

"Never." Seifer pulled Zell closer to him, the smaller man curled up and resting his head on Seifer's broad chest. Seifer realized then, just how innocent, and just how vulnerable Zell was. And wondered if perhaps Shiva was right to protect him so fiercely…after all, he would do the same for this man he loved, his Zell.

* * *

AN: I don't think I'll be updating this one for a while, there's not much left to do with it. At least, until I can think of more. But I think this is one of the last handful of chapters. Just going to wrap up loose ends

And thanks again to all that reviewed.


	17. Running Interference

Disclaimer: All characters and settings copyright of Squaresoft. So there.

* * *

Selphie paused at the door to Zell and Seifer's room. She could hear someone inside, so she pushed the door open, and stepped in, only to nearly stumble back out as a flash of silver whipped by her face.

She looked at the Gunblade still quivering in the wall next to the door frame, and her mouth was hanging open as she turned to take in Seifer standing looking at her, arms crossed, looking more than slightly angry.

"Huhn. I thought you were Zell." As he spoke, he gave her a nudge and started to close the door. Catching the door with her foot, Selphie finally managed to speak up. "…Where's Zell, what did you…?"

Seifer gave a low growl before replying. "I don't know, and if you see him, tell him I'm just as pissed off at him as he thinks, just not for the reasons he thinks." Seifer pushed Selphie's foot out of the way, and the door came slamming shut.

* * *

It took Selphie nearly an hour to find Zell, only to find him beating on some monsters, muttering to himself. Selphie couldn't decipher what he was saying.

"…Zell?"

Zell's head flashed up. Selphie could see his eyes were bloodshot from where she stood. "I, ah, went to your room looking for you…you promised to help me with the planning…"

"Oh." Zell gave a small shrug. "Sorry."

"I saw Seifer." Zell stiffened at her words, before giving an overly fake smile.

"Ah, how is he?"

"…He threw his blade at me."

"I…I should go talk to him…right?" Selphie tried to conceal the look on her face. She didn't like seeing Zell so out of sorts, so off-balance.

"Lets both go that way."

* * *

Selphie stood outside the room again. Zell had asked her to wait outside at first, and went in to confront Seifer. She had heard nothing at first, and then a murmur of muffled words through the door, nothing she could make out though.

The bang against the wall next to the door surprised her, and she wondered what caused it when there was another bang, this time it sounded like it came from lower. Then, she heard a low moan of pain; Zell, and after a long moment, she could hear Seifer just laughing. Unable to stand aside any longer, Selphie pushed open the door, and took stock of the room.

Seifer was sitting on the bed, shaking his head, chuckling, while Zell was pulling himself off the ground beside the door. Selphie knew she was almost shaking as she bent to help Zell up, and couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"That **it**. I won't let you do this to him any more, if you ever, ever push him again, or hit him, or…anything! I'll –" Selphie's rant was cut off by Zell as he stood.

"He didn't push me. I fell."

"I heard you hit the wall!"

"…" Zell was quiet, flushing redder than ever. "I was turning towards the door…and I kinda missed."

Selphie blinked. It sounded like he was being honest, but… "Then why were you laughing?" Turning to Seifer.

"Because it was funny." Blunt and to the point. Selphie always felt little when she spoke with Seifer when he was in one of these moods.

Silence reigned in the room for a few long moments, before Zell chuckled. "It was…"

"But…your supposed to…protect each other, and, and you were so angry at him before…" Selphie knew she was floundering for excuses now, but couldn't stop herself.

"Do you even know why I was upset at Zell?" Seifer didn't wait for an answer. "He made a comparison between Squall's and my swordplay. He said Squall's looked better. Then he panicked and left, because he thought he insulted me."

"He said Squall's looked better so you got upset?" Selphie's tone dripped incredulity.

"No. How vain do you think I am? I was upset because he drew that same conclusion. I'd rather have the truth than some lie meant placate me, and I'm upset that all of you seem to think I need to be placated!"

Selphie had no reply, and quietly slipped out of the room.

* * *

AN: Just a short one because I felt like it. 


	18. Changing Minds and Spontaneous Romance

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the characters and settings.

* * *

Shiva paced. She didn't know what to do. Seifer and her Zell were getting closer, and she saw Zell becoming more and more attached to the older one each day, and she did not know if she could approve. So she paced, walking the mental expanses of Zell's unconscious mind. As she saw it, she had three options; Do nothing, and risk her Zell getting his heart broken. Confront Zell on the matter, and have a discussion with him. Or take it to the heart of the matter: Seifer.

The Ice Goddess strode through her domain, making her nightly rounds, pondering her dilemma. As she passed the mental spire where she bound the unused magic Zell had drawn, she thought of the first option. Zell and Seifer were mortal beings, and Zell loved him. She knew this, beyond a doubt, but could only wonder if it was truly being returned. Being mortal however, Shiva understood that if this brought Zell joy, could she truly do anything? If she did interfere, would she truly be doing the right thing?

Shiva walked on.

As she passed the domains of the various Guardian Forces that had, through necessity, been junctioned to Zell, and cleaned up the messes they had left, she began to think of the second option. If she confronted Zell with her concerns, would he listen? Or would he dismiss her as jealous? Was she jealous? That set Shiva aback, was she jealous of this man who had walked into her Zell's life and taken his love? It was ridiculous, she decided. She was his soul mate, they both knew that. Seifer merely was physical, as she was not.

Shiva walked on.

As she returned to her throne, where she could view her domain, Shiva pondered the third option. She could manifest herself physically for a time and talk with him again. But, he set her flawless crystalline teeth on edge, and knew cordial discussion between them would never work. He was a creature of fire, of hot rage and fiery passion, where she was cool and compassionate. She could carry through with her threat, and nobody would ever discover the truth, but that would break Zell's heart if Seifer vanished. Shiva growled. She would find out the truth of the matter, if Seifer did not love Zell, if Seifer was just using Zell, she would find out, and change his mind. Shiva straightened and a faint smirk crept across her features. _Change his mind._ Of course. That would have to be what she did

The Ice Goddess sat upon her throne and worked on her plans. It would take time, but she had no lack of confidence. She was after all supposed to guard Zell, else she would hardly be called a Guardian Force.

* * *

Seifer shivered and opened his eyes while pulling blankets tighter around himself and the smaller form cuddled with him. Turning his gaze around until he saw the source of the cold, an open window, Seifer tried to keep from waking Zell. Glancing at a clock, he could see it was still to early to call the time "morning", and let out a groan, of frustration and a bit of discomfort; his head was killing him, and now he had to get up, close the window, and get back to bed without Zell waking.

The first step was getting untangled from Zell. Slowly pulling his arm out from under him, Seifer pushed blankets up against Zell, and stood, the bed creaking loudly in the still night. Padding across the room, Seifer closed the window, and then went to rummage through the medicine cabinets for something to dull his headache.

* * *

_That Afternoon_

Seifer settled into his seat. The show was shaping up to be amusing, at the very least. Arranged before him, and the small crowd of other SeeD's with nothing to do, was a group of SeeD cadets from another Garden, come to get some lessons at Balamb Garden. Naturally, Zell had been chosen to give a crash course in melee basics, and his turn to give his lesson had just started.

Seifer couldn't suppress a smirk when lecture ended, and practical lessons began. One of the visiting cadets was a self-proclaimed expert at the quarterstaff, and as such had given Zell a challenge to a staff-match. Zell accepted, and the two were now circling each other, metal staves making slow twirls, building their momentum.

The challenger broke first, reversing and striking with the full length of his staff, obviously trying to take Zell off guard. It failed, and Zell responded by deflecting one staff with his own. Seifer knew Zell had studied at least the basics of weapon fighting, but still couldn't help the awe he felt when Zell launched into maneuver's nearly as complicated as his own gunblade routines. The staff twirled fast enough to be a blur, knocking against the defending cadet with a **crack** every few moments, until Zell finally broke through the defense, and brought the cadet to the floor with a hit behind his knee's. Seifer smirked broadly as Zell began to review the combat, and then gathered his things together and striding out, leaving Zell to his fun as he went to take care of his own plans. And make a stop at the infirmary to pick up more pills for the constant headache he was feeling all day.

_

* * *

That Evening_

Zell had walked into the room, exhausted from sparring for hours with cadets, only to stop, floored by the scene in front of him.

A candlelit table, dinner for two set out, wineglasses full, and a small wrapped box next to one of the plates set the scene, but most important to Zell, was the formally dressed tall blonde, sitting in one of the chairs, a smirk plastered on his face, his eyes reflecting Zell and the candles. Speechless for a few moments, Zell finally spoke up, looking at the present, and asked "Why?"

"Do I need a reason?" Seifer was nearly purring, Zell could tell he was very pleased with himself. Zell was pleased with him too. Exhaustion forgotten, Zell nearly jumped into the seat, and enjoyed a romantic dinner with Seifer. Once it was done, and the candles blown out, he picked up the wrapped box, and looked at Seifer questioningly.

'It's a present, chicken-wuss." Oh yes, Seifer was **very** pleased with himself, Zell could tell. Setting the box down, Zell grabbed Seifer's arm, and hauled him off to the bed in the corner, the present already long since forgotten.

* * *

AN: Well. Here you are. More soon. Hopefully. 


	19. And they say Love is Dead

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the characters and settings.

AN: Nope, not dead yet.

* * *

_**Smack**_

_**Smack**_

_**Smack**_

The punching bag bounced off the backboard, and then swung lazily back to its resting position. Zell stared at it. For some reason, it was easier to just watch it than to lift his hand and strike it again. He'd never noticed how vivid the red was before, and the texture. And…Zell closed his eyes for a moment, just to rest them. As he got back up, rubbing his side, he glanced around to make sure nobody had noticed him fall asleep in the middle of the day – in the middle of training, at that. Giving a shifty eyed glance around the room, he picked up his towel and bag, and moved back to the showers, where he swiftly got the water running hot, and stepped in, relaxing.

After being woken rather…uncomfortably…from his impromptu sleeping position on the shower floor when the water turned cold, Zell had gotten up and out, and after getting dried and dressed, wandered out and took a stroll around the Garden.

_Beautiful day, bright warm sun, cool ocean breeze…all this day needs to get better is… _Zell's mind slipped through the possibilities; what did the day need? Something sweet, but that was a given…food, of course…Seifer? Naturally… Friends. That was it. Zell turned off the path, and towards the cafeteria; He had supplies to forage and plans to make.

* * *

Seifer paused before the door. Behind it, lay Zell and the others. Slamming back a pair of headache pills, the blonde fixed a faint sneer upon his face, and opened the door, and strolled in, glancing over the scene. A blanket, and even a picnic basket, Zell must have found one somewhere in the kitchen. Selphie in Irvine's lap, laughing at whatever not-quite-witty saying the man had just whispered to her. Squall and Quistis sitting, talking about recent business, boring, Seifer had no doubt. And there, was Zell, piling into the food. Striding over to Zell, Seifer sat, and in a smooth motion reached out and snatched a sandwich before it could meet its fate with the blonde-hole next to him. 

"Seifer…three men to the next dispatch, or five cadets?" Seifer blinked as Squall called over a question, looking down at a report. Quickly composing himself, Seifer replied off-handedly, "Two men, and two cadets. Let them learn from experience." Squall nodded, and turned back to Quistis, but Seifer noticed, (with a degree of self-satisfaction) that Squall made four marks on his page.

Zell, having finished his feeding for the time being, leaned back into/onto Seifer, and engaged the others in small talk for a short time, before stretching an arm out, and grabbing a ball from his bag. Eyes sparkling, he grinned, "Lets play some ball."

_

* * *

Later_

Zell, Irvine, and Quistis managed to pull a small win out from the other three, Zell himself being in nearly three places at once, just pouring off energy. Afterwards, still bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, Zell went around gloating. As soon as his boyfriend had turned his back, Seifer reached to his pocket and grabbed a few more pills, and threw them back, murmuring about how his head was going to kill him.

* * *

_That Night_

Fast asleep, Zell was held securely in the larger, slumbering Seifer's arms, a grin on his face. Within the otherwise still and quiet room, only one creature was stirring, and she resided within the mind of the blonde.

Shiva paced her mental realm. While still organized, it no longer was pristine, the goddess apparently neglecting much of such duties, as she worked the larger, grander, and far more important task.

She sat within her throne of clear ice, pale blue fingers digging a gouge into each armrest, as she sent her mind out, out of her comfortable domain of Ice and Order, into the domain of Fire, of Anger, Passion and Love; Seifer's mind.

She had made many such forays. Nightly, even. Slowly, she slipped from Zell's consciousness to Seifer's. Carefully, she stepped within his mental defenses, and brutally, replaced the burning fires within his mind, each representing an aspect of Seifer, with cool, perfectly shaped ice.

It was slow work. It was long work. It was methodical work, but Shiva did it. She did it because, if she could not have Zell, she would ensure someone who loved him as she did would. And how better to ensure that, than to transform this mind, into a state similar to her own? Replace his anger with coolness, his passion with compassion. It was slow, but she could already see the result of her work. Seifer's mind, originally a room of hellfire and rampaging thoughts of flame and heat, now had a pillar of collectedness, of logic. In time, she knew she could replace it all entirely, and ensure that Seifer would always be there for her Zell. In all the ice, for all the reflective surfaces, she never once noticed the gleam of madness within her own reflections eyes.

* * *

Seifer awoke with a murmured groan of pain. Cursing and glancing to make sure he didn't wake Zell, he let another curse out as he felt wetness below his nose, and put a finger to it. Blood. Sighing, he slipped out of the bed, and moved into the bathroom, and took care of his nosebleed. Flicking off the light as he left the small bathroom, Seifer slipped back into bed, maneuvering the deep sleeping Zell, so he was resting his head on Seifer's chest, just below his shoulder, and then reached down, pulled up the blankets, and wrapped his arms around Zell, and just watched him sleep, the rise, the fall, and the rise again of his compactly muscled chest. The way his tattoo looked in the shadows. Brushing a hand over Zell's cheek, and pushing back loose hair, Seifer took a breath, and whispered the three words that expressed how he felt about Zell. And he could have sworn that Zell smiled.

* * *

AN: Hah! A chapter, AND I found how to make a forum for this story at www.fanfiction .net/f /743240/ (remove the spaces) Its been a very productive day for me! ..and Sorry for not updating for so long! 


	20. Early Morning Wakings

Disclaimer: Tis nae mine! Its his! **points at Squaresoft/SquareEnix**

**

* * *

**

Zell blinked his eyes open once, then closed them quickly, preferring the darkness reminding him of sleep, to the slightly brighter room.

It was a little while before sunrise, and only the faint early morning glow filled the room, putting everything into a hazy chill light. Wrapped around his chest, were a set of strong arms, Zell's head resting against Seifer's slowly rising and falling chest, Zell's eyes just absently opening, and between long blinks, looking at the fine hairs dusting Seifer's arm.

Zell sighed, trying to shake off the remnants of his bad dream, his body aching in protest from its exhaustion from the day (and especially night) before. Try as he might, he couldn't throw off the uncomfortable itch in the back of his mind, reminding him of the dream, even as he tried focusing on more pleasant things.

"_What if I –don't- mean anything to him?" "What if all I am is something for him to pity, and get some pleasure out of?" _Zell shook his head, he didn't want to focus on the thoughts that kept ringing through his mind all night as slept, that he was just another conquest for Seifer, that he was just kept around out of pity, so he wouldn't do something stupid like the balcony again.

* * *

Seifer could feel Zell squirming, awake in his arms, and immediately wanted to one of two things; hold Zell close, and enjoy the early morn, or find something to make the headache starting up again to go away. He knew he'd been irritable, especially for himself, lately, and he also knew it was the damn headaches that kept pounding in his skull day after day, after night after night. 

Choosing the first option, at least for a time, he kept himself still, eyes closed, and breathing steady, mimicking sleep, just holding Zell as the younger man tried to make himself more comfortable.

After a while of grumbling, and shifting, Zell just turned entirely, and placed his head, cheek down, on Seifer's chest, left arm snaking up under Seifer's, coming to rest under Seifer's shoulder blade, right arm on Seifer's chest just above his head, then Zell gave a sigh, closed his eyes, and found his way back to sleep. Watching him, Seifer gave a half-smile, and then went to sleep himself.

Seifer shuddered.

* * *

Shiva sat upon her throne, the once flawless chair now holding several air bubbles, a crack running from its base, up to the left armrest, and only spider webbed into more each night that Shiva exerted herself so. 

Shiva sat upon her throne, arms upon armrests, with her hands coming to rest one over the other in her lap, as she focused upon her task, her obsession.

Shiva sat upon her throne, and even as she worked upon encroaching into Seifer's mind, she was aware she was neglecting her duties inside Zell's, but, after a moment would squelch that nagging voice, with the justification that she would see to it all once she finished with this.

Shiva sat upon her throne, and Seifer shuddered.

* * *

Seifer's mindscape lay in disarray, halfway between its natural chaos, and the imposed order of the ice creeping along its depths, a place where shadows seemed to grow larger, ice creating shadows of shapes, rather than brightening by refracting light. 

Diablos was enjoying himself.

He knew what he was, and he enjoyed that status, the puppet master. Everyone danced to the tune he set, and they never even knew they did. Diablos was proud of himself, and sensing Shiva end her work for the night, he threw back his head, and let his laughter ring out through Seifer's mind.

Diablos laughed, Shiva sat upon her throne, and Seifer shuddered.

It has been a simple plan to enact; Seifer had junctioned the dark GF before a mission for SeeD, and had entered into much combat that day, calling upon the GF's magic sorting abilities, and Diablos took his chance. As Seifer overextended himself, calling upon more power than he had stored, Diablos obliged, and converted a section of memory into raw magic, refining it into Demi spells as he did so, "handing" them to his 'master'. Over and over again, the process repeated, until Diablos was ready. Seifer called for power, and Diablos took the final two memories for his plan, and converted them. Seifer received his power, and all it cost him were the memories Diablos had chosen.

Memories of junctioning and using Diablos turned into magic, and Diablos laughed, having free reign, without Seifer ever knowing he was even there, all traces drawn and used.

One night, as Diablos pondered what to do with his newfound measures of freedom, he experienced, through Seifer, the warning of an Elemental Guardian of Ice, and found a highly appealing prospect; corrupting a GF, and two humans without any ever knowing he was there.

Diablos loved challenges.

Each night, he would, through a method he would leave enough clues for Shiva to figure out, send his influence to her, and offer a whisper of doubt, fuel a jealousy there, and agree with a point made in anger there. It took time, but he convinced her that Seifer was a threat to her host, and she must act as her hosts Guardian Force, and eliminate it. So she began.

Watching Shiva work grew boring, and so Diablos decided to amuse himself another way, and began to take advantage of Shiva's pre-occupied nights, and send seeds of doubt, and misery into Zell's dreams. It was all so…delightfully amusing, as it worked out exactly as Diablos wished, reveling in the chaos he could cause.

* * *

AN: …Wow. Its been over a year since this fic started, and its still….well, going strong is a joke, but…I suppose…'going so weekly it barely counts as alive' fits. 


	21. Inferior Plotting

Disclaimer: FF8 is property of Squaresoft and whoever owns it now. Not mine in any way, shape, form or manner.

* * *

Diablos perched atop an icy spire in Seifer's mindscape, looking around at the imposed order Shiva had placed on the fiery young man. He knew it wouldn't last, couldn't last. One of them would break sooner or later. He was torn about which one it would be. He knew he could alter the odds, but couldn't decide whom to bend to their breaking point more, first.

And then, Diablos thought it through logically; whomever breaking would cause the most pain to the others, of course. Gliding down from his pinnacle perch, Diablos wandered the uncomfortable cold, suppressing a shudder as he quelled his innate need, the desire to make sure his host was safest, and moved into the darkness, out of sight, but not out of mind, at the sense of Shiva's nightly approach beginning.

The icy Guardian Force entered in her usual grandiose manner, a giant shard of ice manifesting, and shattering, herself emerging from its center, it was a display Diablos had long ago grown bored of watching. As soon as he was certain Shiva was occupied with extending the enforced personality on Seifer, the resident guardian force reached mentally out, piggybacking on the connection Shiva had forged, and extended a hand into Zell's mind, Zell's dreams.

And with that contact, Diablos forced his own line of thoughts into Zell's, carefully building it up to be a flawless forgery of a memory of Zell's, as carefully as Shiva built her delusional fortress in Seifer's mind.

Only when dawn broke, did Shiva return to Zell, and Diablos remove his contact, his false memory implanted firmly in Zell's dreams of the last night. Diablos allowed himself a toothy grin in his darkness.

* * *

Zell woke up second. He knew it immediately, as the bed was empty. As the fog of sleep lifted, Zell curled up with the blanket and pillow to capture whatever memories of sleep he could. And then he remembered. Sometime, in the night…last night, he had woken up. Seifer had been awake as well, leaning against the wall, looking coldly at Zell. He had said things, things Zell suddenly wished he hadn't remembered, and knew Seifer only said because Zell appeared to be asleep. Zell straightened, and slowly stood up off the bed. He looked around; blinking his eyes to clear them, making certain that, yes, the room was empty.

He took a seat a the table, and thought things through, making sure he wasn't imaging, wasn't dreaming, that what he heard Seifer say, things about Zell wasting his time, and not being there anymore come morning, that all he was, was someone to do, were just a nightmare. But, he was forced, each time, to the inescapable thought that Seifer WASN'T there now, that it was too clear a memory to be a dream.

Zell felt himself begin to tear up, vision blurring, and tried to force himself not to, to little avail. So he slowly walked around the room, gathering his clothes, and getting dressed, scratching a pen to paper, and quietly opening and closing the door, the faint sound of his boots as he walked down the otherwise empty corridor, and out to the common areas, looking for a spot with the vantage he was needing.

He knew Seifer would go look for him, if just to make a show for the others. Seifer wouldn't find him, not unless he wanted to be found, he knew. And so, rubbing his tattoo in thought, Zell leaned back, out of sight unless one was directly above him, such as on the balcony from the classrooms. That's where Seifer would look first, he realized, and so he waited. He knew he was skipping out on some of his duties, but they just seemed so…very insignificant when Zell tried to focus on them. He'd apologize later for missing them, if anyone brought it up.

* * *

Seifer poked his head in the room, pushing the door open with his leg, carrying two cups of coffee, moving into his and Zell's small dorm, quickly setting them on the table, and turning to close the door again. When he turned back, he noticed the small note on the table. Lifting it closer to read it, Seifer's brow furrowed, and he read it over a few times, not making sense the single word no matter how he thought of it. "Gone". What was gone? Zell himself was the obvious answer, as he wasn't in the room anymore. But why would he leave a note saying he was gone, without saying where he went? Seifer shook his head, believing it to be another of Zell's games, which he didn't get, but found them amusing, because Zell found them amusing.

* * *

Diablos sat in his darkness. Everything was going as he planned, but he just felt it wasn't his best work. Not even his average work. It was sub-par. And when he left Seifer, he resolved to do something better, to get rid of this nagging feeling of a bad plot. Of course, all he needed was for Seifer to follow his regular pattern, and go looking for Zell. Zell, of course, would have gone to the spot Diablos had slipped into his mind. And thanks to Shiva, he knew what to do to induce a headache in his host, or worse. Even so much as to cause him to pass out, which of course, would not be…convenient, if the man was leaning over a balcony rail to look down at Zell.

Diablos heaved a sigh. It wasn't his best plot. It wasn't even all that good. Sure, it would have the desired effect, of breaking Zell, and would probably cause Shiva's psyche to shatter into pieces that would never recover. But it still wasn't his best work, he felt.


End file.
